What’s At The Root of Business Problems?

This is perhaps one of the most difficult and raw posts to write. The other day i devoured the book “The Power of TED” by David Emerald and I felt it resonate so deep that I knew that it would bring through profound change.

The next morning when I wrote the first draft of this post, I’d been crying because it had reached a deep place in my heart. The basic idea in the book is that there are 2 ways to approach life – either a as victim where everything happens TO you (not just crime but every event and situation) or as a creator where you have the power to make your dreams a reality and have more control over the direction of your life.

The Dreaded Drama Triangle
Recently I experienced a strong drama triangle that got me researching to understand it more and find out how to get out of it. The drama triangle comes from perceiving life as a victim. It involves 3 roles (hence the “triangle”!). The main role is the victim and the other two roles in the triangle are persecutor and rescuer. The persecutor seems to be the cause of the victim’s suffering and the rescuer tries to fix the victim (but actually needs them to stay in their suffering and problems so that they are needed). But one person can spin through all 3 roles I’m sure you’ve had experienced of someone who plays the victim and then they suddenly become aggressive and become the persecutor, or you’ve probably met a martyr who flits between victim and rescuer. None of these positions are healthy or empowering but we often learn to play the roles in childhood.

The Empowerment Triangle
The alternative to the drama triangle, is the empowerment triangle, which is what the book I was reading was about. Instead of victim, we have creator (or more accurately, cocreator), persecutor becomes challenger and rescuer becomes life coach. Each role comes from the perspective that you have everything you need inside you to create whatever you want and it’s linked to the idea of the law of attraction. One of the insights in the book that had such a profound impact on me was that you don’t necessarily need people to play the roles. A situation can be a rescuer or a persecutor. For example, an addiction can be a rescuer and a difficult challenge can be a persecutor. It all depends on whether you’re focusing on the problem or if you’re focusing on the bigger vision for what you want to have happen.

Business Victim 
It dawned on me that I feel like a victim in my business. I haven’t built the systems I need to give structure to my finances and marketing. My tax return was a nightmare because I didn’t have a system and I haven’t built the marketing systems to encourage enough people to come and check out what I do. To make the point even clearer that I’m coming from the victim stance in my business, I had MAJOR problems with my marketing right around the time of experiencing the drama triangle with people. Right before all the problems started, I was starting to feel so happy that I finally getting a marketing structure and system in place after resisting for so long. But then I had major technical problems that meant I had to dismantle what I’d created. Looking back i can see the connection between the two events – I felt like a victim to the marketing problems and I was seen as a persecutor by the people I was with (and I don’t really know why other than life decided to make the triangle so bleedin’ obvious that I would have to study it!)

Death of a Dream
The other huge aha from reading “The Power of TED” was that we stay in the drama triangle when we’ve had the death of a psychic hope, wish or dream. It links so beautifully with all the research I’m doing on forgiveness because forgiveness is really about giving up on the idea that the past could be any different from how it was. Accepting that shit happened in the past, learning what you can from it and letting go of the desire for it to be any different from how it played out is what underlies true forgiveness. You accept the raw truth to get to bigger truths. But the other subtle layer to forgiveness is that it stops you being stuck in the past as a victim – hoping for a better future that can never come and wasting energy on it. The death of psychic dreams, hopes and wishes was at the root of my victim stance in the systems and structure in my business.
To explain the link, I need to just go a little deeper. I see the different aspects of our businssses as representing the masculine, feminine and child energies in us. The masculine is the structures and systems that provide the safe home for the business to be in. So websites, business plans, marketing plans would come into that too. The feminine is the nurturing and connection – so customer service, networking, the connection side of marketing and also making sure that the business nurtures your own goals and needs as well as those of your customers. The child aspect is the creativity, openness to new ideas, exploration of ideas, the enjoyment of the business and the ability to get back up again after you fall like children learning to walk do. The child is also the holder of the bigger vision for the business. So the masculie and feminine are ways to help the vision be expressed in the world and the child holds the Vision itself.

Naturally all of these are going to be influenced by actual experiences with the masculine, feminine and child figures in our lives. Not necessary people of those genders, but people who have those masculine and feminine qualities and of course, our parents or early caregivers. And that’s where the tears I mentioned come in. My dad died in 2003 of cancer and parts of me hadn’t accepted fully he was gone. He’d been a workaholic for most of his life and was always busy, so he was a kind of absent father. Highly successful in lots of ways but unable to sit and be and spend much time with us – like so many people in society. His cancer shifted his atitude. I think it healed him in some senses because he became much more present and seemed to enjoy life and being with the people around him more.

Longing for Dad, Clinging to the Past
Where’s the biggest weakness in my business? It’s in the systems. And I was being a victim towards the systems in my business and felt powerless and like I needed a rescuer. I hadn’t really let go of my dad yet. I still had old worn out hopes and dreams of a better future with him. I’m being “rescued” by what he left behind because I hadn’t let go – I live in the house he supported and built an extension for and because my lack of systems means cash flow is a problem, I’m “rescued” each month by the investments he made. It’s hard for a fiercely independent women to admit all of this, but it’s true. And it was all deeply unconscious until I was ready to deal with it.

Underneath it, my inner child was still hoping to spend more time with daddy, so she was clinging to that hope. And then my mid 20s self regretted that I was living abroad and didn’t spend more time with him before he died. Then there’s the fact that he can never walk me down the aisle or see his grandchildren or meet his son in law or daughter in law – the little but significant things that you lose when someone you love dies. And as I type, I realised it’s also the fact that he died with me in the middle of my narcissistic relationship experience, so he was left with the memory of totally the wrong person.

So pieces of me were clinging onto the hope of a different future and hadn’t fully accepted what actually happened. I hadn’t forgiven life and let go of what I was powerless to change. My relationship to the systems in my business were mirrroring this deeper block and pain that I had. As long as my energy was clinging to a false future as a victim, I didn’t have enough energy in the present to create the structure in my business that would support me, my clients and my potential clients properly.  The tears I cried were the release of the old victim energy and the truth that I had to let him go on a deeper level.

I wonder now whether this is something that resonates with more people – that the problems in your business can be traced back to thwarted dreams to do with males, females or how you felt as a child. I think that to have a balanced, sustainable business, you need all three in harmony and balance with each other. If there’s something wrong in one of those, it’ll manifest as a problem in your business like my male energy problem did. My holding onto my dad after he’s gone showed up as a block in the masculine part of my business. I know businesses that communicate poorly with customers and I do wonder whether that’s a problem with the feminine energy. Then there’s businesses without a bigger vision – I do wonder what’s happening to that child energy.

If this idea resonates with you, I would love to hear from you. Please do get in touch to let me know your thoughts. Either in the comments on Facebook if you’ve clicked on it there or pinging me an email at jacquimcginn@yahoo.co.uk or messaging me on FB.

Thank you for reading <3

How Do You Change What’s Holding You Back?

All this inner work malarkey, it can be fascinating. The more you notice your patterns of limiting thoughts, beliefs and emotions and change them, the more space there is to stand back and see what’s going on so you can change it quicker.  And by changing it, you change how you’re interacting with every area of your life and it can flow better. In this post, I’m going to share a specific example from my own life of something that was unconsciously holding me back.  As I healed it in myself, I typed out what was happening so that I’d be able to share and give you insights into how to shift the blocks in your life and uncover where they originated from.  My example started with a comment that someone made.  My emotional response to the comment was an over-reaction, which is a big clue that something else is going on….

I’m on Denise Duffield-Thomas’s “Lucky Bee Money Bootcamp” which is really about self love, getting into alignment with your definition of abundance and charging prices that reflect the value you give. One of the hardest things for anyone who is caring and/or spiritual is to set prices that reflect the value you give.  Radically underpricing is a problem because somewhere along the way, you’ll probably start resenting how much you give for what you receive. Now of course the universe will always bring you back what you send out eventually, but if there’s resentment mixed in with what you’re giving, unfortunately that icky energy will come back too.  Naturally it’s good to give more in value than you’re charging, but from a place of abundance rather than lack. I have to admit that my own prices have been a bit wobbly for me and what I’m going to share is based on this problem I had!

Denise teaches Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) and forgiveness – which is a major part of the relationship work I do. The work in bootcamp is similar to what we learn to do in ThetaHealing – one of the modalities I practise and teach.  I began ThetaHealing in 2009 and I rather arrogantly thought that because I’d been doing ThetaHealing on myself for so many years, there wouldn’t be much left to clear  (except that my bank account says otherwise at the moment – it’s reflecting what’s going on in me)!   The money bootcamp has been eye opening.  Money stuff is a total rabbit hole of buried trauma, emotion and limiting beliefs.  ThetaHealing, EFT (tapping) and forgiveness are awesome tools for clearing the stuff, but this is lifelong mindset stuff – each new level of growth and expansion that we go to will bring more inner “stuff” to heal and release.

Some big stuck “stuff” I uncovered on Saturday was from criticism of my prices.  It was a fairly throwaway comment that I heard about my prices being too expensive. I didn’t think much at the time but then this feeling of anxiety and shame started to grow. I noticed myself getting defensive (inside my own head!) and got curious about what was going on. I let it go and then suddenly it hit me – criticism meant rejection to me! Now on a rational level, of course criticism isn’t rejection – it’s just an opinion about one aspect of what I’m doing in my life. Now I can see the root of a lot of self sabotage in my business – why would I put myself in front of lots of people if I’m afraid of being rejected if they don’t like what I do and how I think?

Now, that’s the first step in shifting the energy – getting clear on what the problem is. The next step is find out where I first put criticism and rejection together. The “theta” in ThetaHealing refers to the brainwave your brain is in between sleeping and waking and it’s where we can access the unconscious mind to make deep, lasting changes.  Hypnotherapists will take their clients into a theta state.  The difference in ThetaHealing is that the practitioner goes into the theta state while fully awake and the client’s brain shifts to the theta state without having to go into a trance.  Of course on this occasion, I was both practitioner and client!!

The Journey to The Block

Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash

My first step in shifting this block was to go into the theta state to have source energy retrain my unconscious mind to separate criticism and rejection and to help it know the difference between those. So I went into the theta state and said:

“Creator of all that is (the name we use in ThetaHealing for source energy), it is commanded that I be taught the difference between criticism and rejection, that I know how to separate criticism from rejection and that I be taught the knowing that I can never really be rejected because I am always accepted as I am by the creator. Thank you. it is done, it is done, it is done.”

So now that my mind can relax and separate criticism from rejection, it gives my unconscious mind a boost to be able to dig deeper and find the source of the problem.  You’ll notice that I also added in a higher truth about rejection – that it’s actually an illusion because we’re always accepted for you we are by god/creator/source (choose your favourite term!).

The second step was to ask my unconscious mind when it was that I first experienced criticism as rejection.  I saw myself as a small child crying, so I knew that this was a DEEP programme.  In the memory I’m recalling, I’ve done something that my parents disapprove of and have been shouted at by one of them (at this point, I wasn’t sure which one).  And it’s really hurt my little heart, so it’s a kind of trauma.  (Little children get traumatised much more easily than adults so being shouted at a person much bigger than you can be traumatic and it doesn’t necessarily need to be something abusive or life-threatening.)   So I asked creator to remove the pain, shock and trauma of that time and send unconditional love to little Jacqui.

After feeling that energy flow, I tuned into little Jacqui, she’s still afraid of the adult with her who is daddy. Daddy’s actually really stressed at work and it was his work frustration that he was letting out too. The next bit of the healing I did is moving away from the ThetaHealing technique and using my own inner child healing that I’ve naturally developed.  In my imagination, I sit with little Jacqui and show her a scene of daddy having big problems at work and show her the stress as a grey cloud that’s in his body.  Then I’ll show her how daddy gave her the grey cloud because he didn’t know what to do with it.  We’ll bring in an angel (my inner child likes and trusts angels) who will take the grey cloud away and take it back to creator to turn back into pure source energy.  Now little Jacqui understands what happened to daddy and knows that he’s not rejecting her (this little Jacqui was too young to understand with a verbal explanation – she needed to see it to understand it).   Now little Jacqui wants to hug daddy but he’s feeling bad. So we’re going to tell him we forgive him. We’re going to use “Ho’oponopono” the Hawaiian forgiveness ritual because it will help to find the source of the problem for daddy too and help him to heal it.   I’m finding that using “Ho’oponopono” with the ThetaHealing command makes a beautiful and powerful process.  I feel the energy moving and know that it’s happening.

I can feel that little Jacqui isn’t fully healed yet. Now what happened was that when she cried after being told off, she was told off again for crying.  Daddy had been feeling bad and the crying was making him feel worse, so his Inner Chimp took over (have a read of “The Chimp Paradox” to find out more about the Chimp). What I’m sensing little Jacqui needs is to know that her emotions are OK. That it’s OK to let her emotions flow without fear of being shouted at or rejected. And it turned out that this was that last little bit that she really needed – she needed to know that she wouldn’t be rejected if she let her emotions flow.

Now in my imagination, daddy and little Jacqui are holding hands and smiling – experiencing the joy and happiness of their true selves together. She’s skipping and he’s smiling.  My body feels lighter too after shifting the stuck thoughts, beliefs and emotions.

And now criticism and rejection aren’t the same thing in my mind. They’ve become very separate and I’ve reinforced the idea that I actually can’t really be rejected because I’m always accepted by the creator.

So that’s the end of the process and I can shut down the healing channels and come back into my body.

Reflections On The Journey 

I know it sounds kind of nutty to go through these processes, but the difference to how I was feeling before and after the process was pretty striking.  I’ve still got a little more “stuff” to work on around my pricing but I definitely feel better about criticism, which will help me crank up my visibility.  This is a typical journey I take with my clients too but of course we never really know where the journey will lead – other than shifting the block we’re looking at because that’s what we’ve set the intention to do!

It’s always a fascinating journey to the source of the problem. To give a quick overview, what started with vague feeling of anxiety and shame turned out to be a realisation that I was feeling criticism and rejection as the same thing. Digging deeper into it, it was a childhood memory from when I was very small of where I felt rejected and criticised by there was actually more going on than my toddler mind could understand, so my toddler self needed my adult self to be with her and to show her what really happened so she could understand and let go.  Letting go and healing the problem at the source means that that energy that was stuck and fragmented can be reintegrated back with the rest of me.  Each time something happens that splits us off from the truth of who we are, we get left we a frozen piece of energy blocking the flow in our lives.  Because life wants us to be whole, it will bring situations that can bring our attention to the frozen pieces so we can melt them and bring them back into alignment and flow with the whole system.

Check out my free relationship healing meditation that will help you remember that you and others are so much more than your earthly selves.  Just like the healing ended with my dad and I being in a higher, happier place, the meditation will remind you that that’s who we really are in our true essence.  Click HERE to get the meditation and to stay in touch via my mailing list <3

Trust In Yourself

Trust in…

  • your emotions
  • your body
  • your heart
  • your soul
  • your intuition
  • your spiritual gifts and abilities
  • your ability to change your thoughts
  • your ability to learn
  • your ability to set boundaries
  • your bullshit detector
  • your ability to heal the past
  • life’s wisdom
  • what life brings you
  • the idea of life happening for you
  • your ability to change the unconscious programmes running your life
  • your ability to ask for help from the right people
  • your ability to find the perfect people to help you with everything you need
  • your ability to discern who to trust and who not to trust
  • your life experiences as valuable lessons and insights to others
  • your ability to inspire others with your truth
  • your wildest, craziest dreams and visions

Trust in yourself, beautiful soul.  Trust in yourself.   <3

To help you do this, Yoga Teacher Lesley Wilson and I have created a gorgeous workshop called “Loving and Trusting Yourself Again”.  You can see the details here if you feel called to join us <3

Gifts From Murky Depths of The Water Element

What if envy had a vital message?  What if all of the darker emotions had vital messages for us?  What if being true to yourself means honouring all of the emotions?

The idea of the 4 Elements appears in many traditions and cultures.  The Kabbalah, Astrology, The Tarot, Native American wisdom – all of these use the idea that we’re made up of the 4 basic elements of earth, water, air and fire.  These 4 elements correspond to different part of our human selves:

Earth – the physical body

Water – the emotions

Air – thoughts and beliefs, the intellect

Fire – our creativity, imagination, intuition and the spiritual self

Having total wellbeing means that all 4 elements are working in harmony with each other and are balanced.  The problem we have in western societies is that the air element tends to overpower all the others.  In many education systems, intellectual achievement is valued over everything else.  Wiser schools and colleges know that creativity (fire), movement in the physical body (earth) and emotional intelligence (water) are just as vital to our overall intelligence as pure academic enquiry is.

The darker emotions (water) like envy, anger, fear and shame are only darker because we rarely bring them into the light of awareness.  But when we take the time to listen to their messages, they can give us invaluable insights to navigate whatever we’re facing and find the truth of it.  The deeper truth is always healing.

Whenever I feel one of the darker emotions come up, my first place to look it up  is Karla McLaren’s excellent book “The Language of Emotions”.  Emotions originate in the lower parts of the brain – the limbic system and they are responses to our environment – both the external environment (around our physical bodies) and in response to our internal beliefs and thoughts.  When we get the higher parts of the brain that deal with thinking to connect up with and work with the lower parts of the brain, we get more control over our state and can move through problems and issues with more ease.  Life is richer and fuller.  This is air and water working together.

But when the thinking part of the brain is cut off from the emotions, we can buy into collective thinking and ideas that stunt our own development and keep us small.  For example, the idea that emotions are primitive and dumb and should never be on show became a collective belief about emotions.   Living from this intellect-centred view shuts off a vital part of ourselves that brings integrity to our whole systems.  We have the evidence of what a lack of emotion does to us – humans can commit unspeakable acts of violence and cruelty when there is no regulation from emotions, such as in the case of some psychopaths, sociopaths and extreme narcissists.  But those who feel emotions richly are often the great healers and compassionate, visionary contributors to society.

I noticed my own envy coming up about other people’s business successes.  Karla differentiates between jealousy and envy.  She says that jealousy is about unfaithfulness or deceit in close relationships whereas envy is about “unfair distribution of resources or recognition”.  Boy, oh boy does that resonate for me!  “Why do all these other business owners get to have thriving businesses (i.e. good income) and recognition when I’m struggling?”  The clue to answering this question my mind invented is in Karla’s empathic practice for dealing with envy:

Discern whether you’re responding to disloyalty and unfairness in others or to your own lack of self-regard and worthiness.  In either case, restore your boundaries first; then listen to your intuition and honor the anger and fear inside…envy.

The Language of Emotions, p.263

What an insight!  My envy is really about my own lack of self- regard and worthiness and it’s OK to feel that and to acknowledge it.  The inner work is to dive into it and see what guidance my intuition has on what my next step is.  Karla has another gem of an explanation of diving into envy:

When your envy is welcomed and channelled honorably, it will help you uncover unhealed issues and traumas that continue to haunt your present-day behavior.  p.276

When I did deep dive into it, sure enough, there was a massive unhealed trauma and belief about being abandoned by important meant.  It was blocking the flow of masculine energy in me and now it’s healed, the flow has restored.  I’ll share more about this on a Facebook live because there are useful insights for everyone on the spiritual path.

By taking the time to stop, listen in and honour the insights that envy brought me, my energetic system is flowing better leaving me with better wellbeing in the present.  All the answers we really need are inside.  I call this inner healing wisdom our soul’s song.  We just need to get still and quiet enough to listen to its message and let it work its magic.


I’m creating a programme to help balance out the 4 elements and listen to the soul song.  I’ll do both an online course-based and a 1-1 session based version of the course.  If you’d be interested in being a beta tester for either version at a reduced rate, please do get in contact by FB message or email jacquimcginn@yahoo.co.uk

Here’s to embracing ALL of the emotions and letting the water element live fully in our lives.  <3

8 Ways to Set Boundaries To Protect Yourself From Manipulative People

In my last blog post, I posted 8 signs you’re being manipulated and said that I would write a post on how to set stronger boundaries.  Here are 8 ways to do that and suggestions on ways to help you do them.

  1. Trust, trust, trust your intuition and your heart over your head.  Trust your gut feelings and knowing.  They’re always right.  I have a meditation to help you practice connecting with your heart here .  The more you connect with your heart and soul, the more you can connect with your intuition and listen to your gut feelings.
  2. Get to know your own emotions so that you recognise which are yours and which belong to someone else.  If you’re sensitive, you’ll pick up on other people’s emotions.  Your emotions (particularly the ones from your heart and soul) have a very different feel from other people’s.  Insecure people may put up a front of being confident and in control, but they project their own feelings of insecurity onto you to manipulate your feelings and hide their own insecurities.  Foreign emotions in your body and energy can’t flow and you can never get to the true message they are trying to convey.  Healthy anger alerts you to when someone is violating your boundary and is telling you to take action to protect yourself.  (Anger in its healthy, flowing form is assertiveness.  Unhealthy anger is uncomfortable and often uncontrollable.)  Karla McLaren has fantastic explanations of each of the emotions and here is her fantastic explanation of anger.
  3. Notice when guilt arises and disengage from the conversation.  Guilt is a social weapon of choice against, caring, sensitive, empathic types like you and me.  You start feeling guilty because of their problems when there is very little you can do to solve anyone’s problems, let alone theirs.  Sharing problems in a safe space with people who allow each other to be vulnerable safely is entirely different from one-sided sharing of problems that cuts off vulnerability and authenticity.  The latter kind of problem sharing will inevitably make you feel guilty, never good enough and like you’re the cause of the person’s problem.  Someone who shuns responsibility for their problems and instead blames others for them cannot be helped until they take ownership of their own problems.  If you notice the guilt arising, politely remove yourself from the conversation.  Do step 5 to make sure their energy is gone from your system.
  4. Beware of “poor me” games.  Often you will notice guilt arising too but it’s useful to spot the onset of the “poor me” game before you notice guilt.  In the Celestine Prophecy, we’re introduced to the idea of control dramas, which are ways of controlling other people to get energy flowing to us.  The antidote, according to the book, is to have such a strong connection to source energy that you can bring the underlying control into the light of awareness and the drama stops.  With a regular person, this may be the case, but with a particularly manipulative or controlling person like a narcissist, you’re not dealing with the same constitution and this just won’t work unless you are at Jesus/Buddha/enlightened master level of consciousness.  The “Poor me” drama (and the other control drama patterns of aloof, intimidator and interrogator) is used simply to manipulate you into giving your time, attention and energy to their needs.   They are taking advantage of your caring nature for their own ends and don’t care about you.  That can sound harsh, but these are people who simply function differently from the other 99% or so of the population.  Once you notice a “poor me” game in progress, keep your energy inside your energy boundary and politely withdraw from the conversation.   Do step number 5 to make sure there’s no energy residue.
  5. Break the energetic connection between you.  You can visualise removing their energy from your body and aura and turning it into an object or shape, and then image giving that object or shape to the guardian angel of the manipulator.  There is no need for you to heal this energy yourself and it’s not your responsibility.  Another way to break the energy is to visualise Archangel Michael being with you and asking him to use his sword to cut the energy.  Then witness as he powerfully and safely brings his sword down to sever the energy cords.
  6. Value YOUR needs.  Get in touch with what it is that you need and do whatever you need to to get your needs met.  This makes your energy far stronger and more resilient to any challenges in life.  If you’re not used to listening to your needs, go gently and practice tuning into what you need moment by moment.  Maybe you need more fun, creative time, maybe you need better nutrition, maybe you need to journal to connect with your feelings.  Only you can know what you truly need. <3
  7. Limit your time with manipulative people as much as you can.  Some people cannot be changed and it’s best to withdraw and limit time around them.  You can send them love from afar but unless you’re a spiritual master, you’re unlikely to be able to stay centred and balanced around them.
  8. Cleanse yourself with your preferred method of energy clearing.  Examples of this are: salt baths, pure incense, crystals for energy clearing (such as clear quartz that you’ve programmed, citrine, amethyst or any crystal that you intuitively sense will help you), high frequency tuning forks such as those by Suara Sound, reiki or some other form of energy healing.  Keep your vibration high and you’ll be more strongly connected to your true self.  And who you truly are can never be manipulated by anyone <3

These are just 8 suggestions.  If you have any more tips and suggestions, do add them in the comments below.  The more resources we have to share on dealing with manipulation, the more we can limit its power over us.  The patterns of fear, control and manipulation that keep us small are gradually dissolving away and the more we can set strong boundaries and walk away, the more these patterns can be left firmly in humanity’s past.

With love 

Jacqui xxx

By the way, if the manipulative person is one of your parents, my healing from toxic parents programme is for you.  It’s designed for those who had a toxic parent such as a narcissist and who are more spiritually minded.  It will help you release yourself through deep forgiveness and give your inner child what s/he has always needed.

Details are here: Spiritual Healing From Toxic Parents Programme


10 Tips to Heal After Narcissism

To fully regain your power and confidence after the shattering effects of narcissism, I believe you need a holistic approach – mind, body, emotions and spirit working in harmony with each other.   When each of these pieces of your earthly self is supporting the others, you open up space for your heart and soul to infuse your life with love and you can stand in your unique truth.  Ultimately, after all of the lies and distortions of the narcissist, you need to stand in your truth to heal and take your power back.

The Lie of “not good enough”

The chances are that if a narcissist came into your life, you’re a caring, empathic soul who believes a better, fairer world is possible and wants to help people with your knowledge, experience and skills.  Quite probably you lacked confidence and put others’ needs before your own and if you were raised by a narcissist, you probably learned to put your narcissist parent’s needs before your own and regularly feel guilty if you don’t.  During the healing process, it’s vital to look after yourself so that you have the energy and presence to dive deep to heal the wounds of “never good enough” and “my needs don’t matter”.  You are more than good enough and your needs matter and when you truly believe that, you can contribute even more.

So here are 10 tips for taking care of yourself along your healing journey to wholeness:

  1. Remember that Life Loves You.  This is one of Louise Hay’s most famous affirmations and the title of a beautiful book she co-wrote with Dr. Robert Holden.  The “you” that is being loved by life is not your ego or self image, it’s your soul and true self.  Your ego and self image most certainly did not want to experience the devastating effects of a narcissist, but on a soul level you know that you have learned so many valuable lessons that have helped you evolve and grow and break out of the ego’s hold over your life.  Relationships can smash our hearts open like nothing else so that we move out of our heads and into our hearts.  
  2. Cut the energetic ties to the narcissist.  Even when the narcissist is physically distant from you, if they have energy ties to you, they will still be siphoning off your energy leaving you depleted and confused.  When you think about what they did, this will reactivate the wounds and keep the flow of energy to them.  So visualise any hooks, threads or ties being cut and severed.  You may need to consult an energy healer to help with this.
  3. Learn to connect with your heart and gradually let go of your head’s dominance.  In school you were taught to obey rules and not question authority.  You were also taught by example every day that head-based activities have value and heart/right brain activities are frivolous.  That may be true for getting into college or university but it’s most definitely not true for living a fulfilling life and healing from the shattering effects of narcissism.  I have a meditation here to help you do this and it’s the first stage of my programme for healing from Narcissism.
  4. Make self care your top priority.  Get in touch with your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs.  Give yourself some quiet space to ask within what those needs are and promise yourself that you will commit to meeting as many as you can.  The more you meet your own needs, the more you teach your mind, emotions, body and spirit that you are true to your word.  And the more you are true to your own word, the more trust you can build in your life.
  5. Make time to rest when you need to.  You’ve been using enormous amounts of energy in your relationship. Your healing journey requires deep work and it’s important to take time to rest and rejuvenate.
  6. Get to know your emotions and what messages they are communicating to you.  In their healthy state, they are just messages to alert you to things you haven’t noticed and help you flow with what’s happening in life.  Old, stuck emotions can affect the natural flow of emotions because we were never taught how to listen to and act on our emotions.  Here are a few examples of emotions in their healthy, flowing states:
    • Healthy anger alerts us the fact that someone else is violating our boundaries and we need to take some action (it needn’t be fiery and strong – it can simply be an assertive “no”).
    • Healthy sadness helps us let go of what’s not serving us anymore.  Tears help us release physically and energetically.
    • Healthy shame alerts us to reflect on our actions because they could be violating someone else’s boundaries.
    • Healthy fear helps us focus on our surroundings and bring our attention to the present moment.
  7. Find a greater meaning for your experience that you can use to contribute to people’s lives.  Humans are meant to help each other and when you can find a higher purpose for your experiences where you inspire and help others, you can handle anything and heal yourself.
  8. Learn about the power of your unconscious beliefs (particularly ones around your worthiness and enoughness) and find ways to change them so they help you live more happily and confidently.  Beliefs influence how you feel about yourself and the moment to moment decisions that you make each day.  ThetaHealing is the main method I use because it gets to very deep-seated beliefs beyond those created in your own lifetime.  Our beliefs are not only influenced by our childhood, but also by our ancestors and the collective unconscious.  Gradually reprogramming your mind with less limiting beliefs like “I’m not enough” and more empowering beliefs like “I’m enough” and “I’m worthy” helps you raise your vibration and make more empowering decisions moment by moment.  It’s these moment by moment decisions that create your whole life experience.
  9. Be truthful with yourself.  Even the ugliest, most painful truth is a firmer foundation than forced positive thinking.  Your body feels the truth and responds to it, so to rebuild the inner trust, you need to be truthful.  Once you’ve been truthful, you can start to look for positives and solutions.  But your solutions and positives will have more impact if they come from the truth first.
  10. Learn to forgive.  No doubt the toughest of all the tips here but the most transformational.  And yet this is what will truly set you free.  True forgiveness happens in the heart and takes time, but it’s the key to shifting from being a victim to taking back your power.  Forgiveness takes you from your head and opens your heart.  

These are my tips from what’s helped my clients and me to get to feeling true, free and empowered after experiencing the shame, self-doubt and fear left from narcissistic and controlling relationships.

If you feel called, I would love to walk with you on your healing journey.  I have created a programme to help you heal and stand in your heart’s truth and power.  My clients who’ve experienced it have called it life changing and transformational.  You can find details of my healing programme here.

May you know your true worth and be guided by your heart.

Jacqui xxx

How Does Money Connect With The Heart?

Money and Healing the Heart
Money and Healing the Heart
What’s on earth has money got to do with the heart?
Surely there’s no heart in money?

 Well, for those of us on the path, our finances are a rich place to explore where we have trapped, unprocessed emotions blocking our natural flow of universal energy (chi/ki/prana).  An important part of spiritual growth and raising our vibration is to open our hearts and heal them so that we can be vessels for unconditional love.  All of those old, unprocessed emotions are like frozen shards of energy that prevent the flow of love and energy in our lives.

Today I’m celebrating some small financial goals.  They are goals that have needed a little attention every week to built up to bigger goals and they’re also goals that have required some heart and soul searching to work on.  The first one is that I’ve finally got my credit card debt from 4 figures to 3 figures.  The other one is that I’ve saved up another £100 to add my emergency fund.

Why are these such emotional goals?

Well because a lot of debt creation and unhealthy spending habits are the result of limiting beliefs and a way of avoiding deeper emotional pain.  Many of us get the message from society that we’re just not enough and if we only had product X or Y or Z, we’d solve our problems and get the love and attention from people that we’re all craving.  The truth is that we don’t need to have or do or be anything to deserve to be loved.  Often our Inner Child is still searching for the unconditional love that our parents couldn’t quite show us.  Even the most well meaning of parents can give us the impression that we’re not quite enough to deserve their full love and attention.  And then our unconscious needs and emotions can be manipulated by those trying to sell their products – and at worst this can create debt as our fragile egos try to draw love to us.

I most certainly created my credit card debt on an ego basis of thinking that there were many things I “needed” to be “enough” in business and to present a certain image that I thought people would want from me.  I do feel some feelings of shame at having created this debt because someone who’s done as much inner work as I have “shouldn’t” have embarrassing debt.  But as I embrace my true path, I see more and more that it’s all about opening the heart as wide as possible and embracing all the rawness and darkness inside so we can heal it and open up to higher and higher levels of love.  My finances might not yet be bringing wealth in terms of money but they are certainly bringing a wealth of healing to my heart, which is bringing  more happiness and joy.

My debt shone a light on areas of my heart and mind that were frozen from past emotions.  My lack of having any savings or an emergency fund were a reflection of my habit of creating excess stress for myself because I somehow decided I didn’t deserve peace and happiness.

My financial freedom mentor has taught me how to get peace of mind from money and get myself out of debt.  As well as opening my heart more, it’s a deep process of creating strong foundations to build huge dreams and visions on.   You can find out more about her and watch an amazing free webinar by her here.

So my financial worries have been a great gift from beyond to open my heart.  If you can relate and are on the path but frustrated with problems that seem to be getting in your way, do contact me for a chat on how I can help you use them to open your heart and connect to your true self more.  I have a very special offer package on for a limited time.

Email jacquimcginn@yahoo.co.uk or call 07794 975304 to find out more and start opening your heart to greater inner peace and joy.


Trust Your Inner Nudges, Make Peace With Your Emotions

I was lucky enough to get to go to Glastonbury Festival this year.  I thought it was impossible because I don’t have the money to go at the moment and taking time off work would mean a drop in income too – eek!  But the opportunity arose to help out on a stall for a free ticket and I felt an inner nudge to say “yes” and take the risk.

And it totally paid off.  I had been getting more and more overwhelmed by everyday stresses around me and was losing my connection to spirit and to myself.  I wasn’t meditating enough or looking after my energy enough and it made my emotions go up and down all over the place.


I knew intuitively that Coldplay’s performance would be extra special for me and would contain some kind of synchronistic message.  Sure enough, their sacred geometry symbolism and heart-centred songs lifted me out of the stuckness and injected me with enough high energy to connect back with my true self.  And during the performance, “The Guest House” by Rumi was read out, which I posted about here a short while ago.  I knew it was telling me to focus my work on emotions now. Helping people to heal old, stuck emotions dragging them down and to create better, healthier relationships with emotions so that everyone could experience the bliss and joy that I was experiencing during the concert.  My new style of session that I’m practising now is more focused on releasing these old emotions to help clients bring more energy to the present.  So the performance was the much needed “me-time” that my body and soul had been crying out for and a beautiful affirmation of what’s waiting on the other side of all those stuck emotions.

Peace Dome

Glastonbury Peace Dome
Glastonbury Peace Dome

The Peace Dome up by the Stone Circle was the 2nd most healing place for me.  Unable to sleep at night with all the all-night partying going on around, I took myself off to meditate here.  The flame inside the peace dome is one originally lit from the fires after the Hiroshima bombing.  Japan is close to my heart because I lived there for over 9 years and built up and amazing life with amazing friends and coworkers.  I lived in Yokohama but I visited Hiroshima with my best friend and we fell in love with it.  To me, it is the wisest place on Earth in terms of peace.  Humanity’s worst creative expression was unleashed and the atmosphere of the place is one of reverence for life.  It’s a living appeal to end the use of atomic weapons because the consequences have been so painfully experienced and deeply felt.  Unimaginable suffering is caused to all who survive.  And whatever we do to anyone else, we do to ourselves.

And yet, underneath all of our “rational” international policies are centuries of unresolved hurt and failures to forgive and leave the past in the past.  Each of us creates the world we live in with the vibrations we create through our thoughts and emotions, it’s not just politicians and it’s not really fair to blame them alone.  Peace can only be a practical possibility when each of us takes responsibility for the thoughts and feelings that make up our particular vibration and choose to live the conscious journey of transmuting them to live more and more connected lives.  We are more well equipped than ever before with insights, healing modalities, scientific studies and ways to connect en masse.  Once we reach a critical mass of people committed to releasing the past and daring to create better futures, the positive changes will ripple out and inspire the rest to find out where all the health, abundance and happiness is coming from and how they can access it too.

The Peace Dome is a sacred space that invites connection and reflection and to light candles in the dark.  It helped me process and release all the pent-up emotions and brought me back to my authentic self on the other side.  The part of me that truly knows we’re all connected and we’re all sparks of one divine source.

But I believe we mustn’t jump to that place without honouring the past – fully receiving its lessons and allowing the appropriate emotions to flow.  Without this conscious process, we’re by-passing the learning and just ignoring a vital, life-affirming part of ourselves.  And life is so much richer when we embrace the whole of this being human.

🎶 saying it’s true, it’s not what it seems
leave your broken windows open
and in the light just streams
and you get a head, a head full of dreams
you can see the change you wanted
be what you want to be 🎶

  • Coldplay, “A Head Full of Dreams”


Energy Detoxing for Manifesting Your Highest Vision

Many people know about the Law of Attraction and the idea that what’s happening in our lives is a vibrational match to what’s going on in us.  But the difficulty with this is that a lot of our vibration is set by unconscious thinking pattens and old, stuck emotions waiting to be processed.  The great Swiss Psychiatrist and healer of the soul, Carl Gustav Jung said:

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” C.G. Jung

So in terms of the Law of Attraction, if you have a higher vision for your life and it doesn’t seem to be coming about, the chances are that life and your unconscious mind are cooperating to help you bring your unconscious issues into the light.  Once they’re in the light, you have the power to heal and process these issues so that they can stop weighing down your energy and help you vibrate at the level of your vision more and more.

But sometimes this process can feel like you’ve taken a step backwards before you move forwards.  I do warn my clients that even though they may feel great right after a session, they may well then experience emotions like anger or sadness for a short period of time.  It’s like an energy detox.  If you’ve ever tried a detox, you’ll know that as your body processes out the toxins, you can feel a bit off.  But once you’ve let the toxins flow away, your body can balance itself again.  It’s the same with the mind and with your energy.  The trick is to surrender and just let the energy flow.  If you try to resist, you just keep it in place.  If you let it go, it can do its thing and flow on by.

I was reminded of this today because I experienced very high energies last night at a talk that almost completely got rid of the stress and tension that I was holding in my body.  For most of this morning, I continued to feel empowered, free and stress-free but as I continued working, gradually the stress creeped in and then I even started having mild depressive thoughts when I got home.  It was like a longing for that higher vibration and a sadness that I wasn’t already living every day like that.  The main culprit was going on Facebook.  For some reason I was extra sensitive to what people were saying and extra self critical.

Then in a flash I remembered that that lady giving the talk last night said I would experience a lot of detoxing.  And it was like a weight was lifted.  Instead of fighting against the thoughts and emotions, I surrendered to them – knowing that actually it was just old, stuck energy coming into my conscious awareness so they could be acknowledged, processed and released – helping me to get closer and closer to the vibration of my big vision.

And now, I’m feeling more balance.  Someday I do hope to live most of my days at that wonderful high frequency, but for now I’m happy to keep diving deep and letting myself regularly detox.  I’m safe in the knowledge that I’m gradually raising my vibration in a sustainable way.  And safe in the knowledge that I’m practising what I preach to my clients and students.

If you have a sense that you’re moving towards a bigger vision but feel weighed down at the moment, I would love to help you.  Just get in contact using the form below and we can schedule a chat to see if my sessions are the right fit for you now.

[contact-form][contact-field label=’Name’ type=’name’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Email’ type=’email’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Website’ type=’url’/][contact-field label=’Comment’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]

Freedom and the Inner Child

Last night I gave a talk and mini-workshop on Connecting with the Inner Child at Horndean Positive Living Group.

Connecting with your Inner Child is vital to creating your own version of heaven on Earth.  The Inner Child is the bridge between the ego (our false, small self) and the soul (our true, expansive self).  The Inner Child carries all the qualities that can help bring humanity forward –

  • curiosity
  • wonder
  • emotional expression
  • creativity
  • non-judgment
  • spontaneity
  • being immersed in the moment
  • imagination
  • vision
  • joy
  • vitality

In fact, these are qualities that spiritual development involves.  For example, from a spiritual development perspective, the art of manifesting encourages us to use all of these to turn our highest visions into reality.  We need imagination and vision to aim higher.  We need creativity to make it happen and be adaptable.  We need non-judgment, spontaneity, vitality and joy and to be immersed in the moment in order to detach from the outcome to let universal energies do their job.

But for so many of us, childhood was a time of restricting and shutting down all of these qualities.  It was a survival mechanism to adapt to the environment we were brought up in.  And because our unconscious minds were wide open, all of the learning and adaptation went deep, deep into our psyches.   It no wonder we have expressions like “a leopard can’t change its spots” and we create beliefs that “people don’t change” because the learning is so deeply ingrained that it can seem impossible to change.

However, deep and lasting change IS possible.  Everyone can recover all of these child-like qualities and live their own version of heaven.  But it isn’t an overnight process and it does require commitment to change.  Through deep healing practices like ThetaHealing we can change the deep seated learning and rewire the brain.  In my experience we also then need to process the old emotions that got repressed and blocked to release their energy and restore  our natural, healthy emotional flow.

And once we’ve done that, there is a freedom that comes.  We’re free from the burdens of the past.  We’re free to be joyful, spontaneous and vibrant.  We’re free to live life on our own terms.  We’re free to have fun.  We’re free to live the highest expression of our souls.  We’re free of judgment and restriction.  We’re free to thrive.

That kind of freedom is an expression of love. 

If you’d like to begin or continue your journey of connecting with your Inner Child, I’ll be running workshops in Eastleigh, Hampshire, UK.  The first one  is on 20th March, 2016.  Details are on my events page.