Gifts From Murky Depths of The Water Element

What if envy had a vital message?  What if all of the darker emotions had vital messages for us?  What if being true to yourself means honouring all of the emotions?

The idea of the 4 Elements appears in many traditions and cultures.  The Kabbalah, Astrology, The Tarot, Native American wisdom – all of these use the idea that we’re made up of the 4 basic elements of earth, water, air and fire.  These 4 elements correspond to different part of our human selves:

Earth – the physical body

Water – the emotions

Air – thoughts and beliefs, the intellect

Fire – our creativity, imagination, intuition and the spiritual self

Having total wellbeing means that all 4 elements are working in harmony with each other and are balanced.  The problem we have in western societies is that the air element tends to overpower all the others.  In many education systems, intellectual achievement is valued over everything else.  Wiser schools and colleges know that creativity (fire), movement in the physical body (earth) and emotional intelligence (water) are just as vital to our overall intelligence as pure academic enquiry is.

The darker emotions (water) like envy, anger, fear and shame are only darker because we rarely bring them into the light of awareness.  But when we take the time to listen to their messages, they can give us invaluable insights to navigate whatever we’re facing and find the truth of it.  The deeper truth is always healing.

Whenever I feel one of the darker emotions come up, my first place to look it up  is Karla McLaren’s excellent book “The Language of Emotions”.  Emotions originate in the lower parts of the brain – the limbic system and they are responses to our environment – both the external environment (around our physical bodies) and in response to our internal beliefs and thoughts.  When we get the higher parts of the brain that deal with thinking to connect up with and work with the lower parts of the brain, we get more control over our state and can move through problems and issues with more ease.  Life is richer and fuller.  This is air and water working together.

But when the thinking part of the brain is cut off from the emotions, we can buy into collective thinking and ideas that stunt our own development and keep us small.  For example, the idea that emotions are primitive and dumb and should never be on show became a collective belief about emotions.   Living from this intellect-centred view shuts off a vital part of ourselves that brings integrity to our whole systems.  We have the evidence of what a lack of emotion does to us – humans can commit unspeakable acts of violence and cruelty when there is no regulation from emotions, such as in the case of some psychopaths, sociopaths and extreme narcissists.  But those who feel emotions richly are often the great healers and compassionate, visionary contributors to society.

I noticed my own envy coming up about other people’s business successes.  Karla differentiates between jealousy and envy.  She says that jealousy is about unfaithfulness or deceit in close relationships whereas envy is about “unfair distribution of resources or recognition”.  Boy, oh boy does that resonate for me!  “Why do all these other business owners get to have thriving businesses (i.e. good income) and recognition when I’m struggling?”  The clue to answering this question my mind invented is in Karla’s empathic practice for dealing with envy:

Discern whether you’re responding to disloyalty and unfairness in others or to your own lack of self-regard and worthiness.  In either case, restore your boundaries first; then listen to your intuition and honor the anger and fear inside…envy.

The Language of Emotions, p.263

What an insight!  My envy is really about my own lack of self- regard and worthiness and it’s OK to feel that and to acknowledge it.  The inner work is to dive into it and see what guidance my intuition has on what my next step is.  Karla has another gem of an explanation of diving into envy:

When your envy is welcomed and channelled honorably, it will help you uncover unhealed issues and traumas that continue to haunt your present-day behavior.  p.276

When I did deep dive into it, sure enough, there was a massive unhealed trauma and belief about being abandoned by important meant.  It was blocking the flow of masculine energy in me and now it’s healed, the flow has restored.  I’ll share more about this on a Facebook live because there are useful insights for everyone on the spiritual path.

By taking the time to stop, listen in and honour the insights that envy brought me, my energetic system is flowing better leaving me with better wellbeing in the present.  All the answers we really need are inside.  I call this inner healing wisdom our soul’s song.  We just need to get still and quiet enough to listen to its message and let it work its magic.


I’m creating a programme to help balance out the 4 elements and listen to the soul song.  I’ll do both an online course-based and a 1-1 session based version of the course.  If you’d be interested in being a beta tester for either version at a reduced rate, please do get in contact by FB message or email

Here’s to embracing ALL of the emotions and letting the water element live fully in our lives.  <3

Sharing is Essential #mentalwellbeing

This evening I watched “Life After Suicide” on BBC1.  It was a fascinating and deeply sad documentary on suicide, its effects and its causes.

A lot of my work involves uncovering unhelpful thinking patterns and changing them.  I haven’t seen suicidal clients but this programme said it was a combination of deep despair and a feeling of no way out that would make someone likely to commit suicide.

While I don’t have direct experience of suicide, I have experienced mental health problems and understand the lack of control over your own mind.  In my case, after a period of a lack of sleep I became highly paranoid and believed I’d sold my soul to the devil.  I had shared my heart with someone I loved who was unavailable and distant.  The distance meant that my mind projected all kinds of things onto him and in my unbalanced state, archetypes from the unconscious dominated my thinking.  I saw way too much synchronicity and read far too deeply into the events happening around me.  Eventually, I got to a point of thinking that I had become a channel for evil and that my friends and family would all gradually be killed off.  At the time, my dad actually was suffering from cancer and one of my friends was feeling down and saying he would be better off dead.  I thought I’d caused it all.

I remember vividly standing in the shower in my flat and thinking “I have to kill myself to end this and protect my family.”  But fortunately another part of me recognise that this wasn’t really me.  When I got to work that day, I talked to a colleague who was a good friend and while I didn’t share the depths of what I was thinking, I shared enough for her to help me see my perspective might be wrong.

But the most healing aspect of all for me was talking to my best friend.  She doesn’t realise what a great friend and what a great natural healer she is, but she saved me.  In fact, she was with me at my worst and gently tried to pull me out of my own abyss.  I hadn’t shared the depths of my despair while it was happening, but later I did.  She didn’t once judge me or give me advice.  She just let me speak.  What I always found from being listened to like that, was that as I spoke and explained what was going on, I would be giving myself advice.

How many of us have really experienced that level of deep listening?  How many of us try to jump in with suggestions and advice?  If more of us could learn to hold space for a fellow human in their times of pain without jumping in to “fix” or “advise”, we’d live in a different world.  People in pain would have the sacred space necessary to process their own pain and draw out their natural healing abilities to heal it.  Perhaps we’d have fewer mental health problems.

Personally, after watching the BBC programme,  I’m now even more grateful for the friends I could share with.   They empowered me to draw out my own healing wisdom and set me on a path of empowerment and that’s why I do what I do today.  I got through to the other side.

Fact or Influence? The Importance of

This morning I heard that today is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year.  It’s 2 weeks into the new year and around this time people get their credit card statements from Christmas and that’s what contributes to the general low feeling, apparently.  Then I heard it again on the radio this evening.

My own feelings have taken a tumble this evening and I’ve just knocked over a cup of peppermint tea.  It’s got me wondering – has the idea of it being the worst day of the year influenced my mood?  Has my unconscious mind gone “oh, right – most depressing day of the year – let’s make that happen”?  Or is it a fact?  Is it something that is true and my mind is just processing fact?

I don’t know.  But the idea of our unconscious minds being influenced is an interesting one to ponder and I think it’s a very important one.

I find the unconscious mind fascinating but I also find the influence others can have on our minds equally fascinating – and a little scary.  I’ve come across a few examples where minds have been influenced for negative reasons.  First, I’ve been reading Paul McKenna’s “I Can Make You Rich” and it’s been showing me just how much advertisers manipulate our unconscious minds to get us to buy things.  Second, after work today I saw today’s Sun newspaper front page trying to make Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn look farcical in his attempts to reduce nuclear weapons and wondered how many people’s opinions of him have been manipulated by such strong opinion pieces.  Then finally tonight I was watching the “Making of a Murderer” series on Netflix and I watched the police unfairly influence a young, impressionable person’s mind and have him do what they wanted (I won’t give the details in case you want to watch the series).

How much control do we have of our own unconscious minds?  Because it’s unconscious, we can never really know.  But doing our best to notice when others are trying to influence our thoughts, feelings and actions is crucial to our personal fulfilment, happiness and spiritual growth.

How can we make sure we get as much control of our own unconscious minds as possible?  Well, I think that (perhaps counter-intuitively) it’s about reconnecting with our Inner Child.  I believe our Inner Child is the gateway to our authentic selves – our souls.  This is because it was largely in childhood that our minds were shaped by outside influences and cut us off from our authentic selves.  Spiritual teachings call this the creation of the ego.  But underneath all of that ego conditioning, our authentic selves (our souls) are still there waiting for us.  Our task is to connect with that greater part of ourselves as much as possible and release anything that blocks our connection to it.  As long as we stand firm in our truest selves, we are less likely to let others negatively influence our thoughts, feelings and actions.  Connecting with our Inner Child can be the bridge between the ego and the soul and can help us invite more of our soul into our everyday lives.

Imagine the future world we’d create together if more and more of us stood firm in our truest selves.  Free from influence by outside factors.  Free to make love the bottom line in all our decisions.

Magical Deadlines and Manifesting

It’s funny how until I understood that my goals need to be in alignment with my values, I would always rebel against my own goals. If they didn’t have meaning, I wasn’t interested. When I worked as a sixth form college teacher, I had to create SMART goals with my students – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-Bound goals. I always got the reason why they were supposed to be created in this way, but never quite mastered the art of making goals that really worked and always got stuck on the “time-bound” part.  For my own business goals too, the time-bound part always seemed arbitrary and I rarely achieved them by the time I set – until now! And the secret was that I let go and listened to my intuition.

Last summer, I bought a daily deal site voucher for a one-day video for business course at Pinewood Studios. I just thought it would be fun and didn’t think much of it. Then when I got more information through, I realised I had to write 2 scripts to promote my business. To be honest, I’ve really struggled to explain what I do and you might have noticed my homepage has changed wording frequently as I struggled to find the core of what I’m about and how I help people. So I knew that I needed to put off doing the video course until I had a clearer explanation of what I do. Around December I had the feeling that I was on the verge of discovering what it was that draws everything together. I booked the course for January with a knowing that I would have a much clearer idea by then.

Sure enough at the beginning of January, thanks to synchronistic events (the right books, the right experiences) I found the crux of what I do and what I want to do – teach more people about the unconscious mind. I truly believe that if more people understood how to harness the unconscious mind instead of being its slave, we would live in a different world. We’d draw out solutions to every problem we’re facing – rampant consumerism, inequality, poor distribution of wealth, environmental problems, disease prevention and treatment, and so on. Plus we’d see increased levels of peace, happiness and acceptance as people retrained their minds for greater and greater self esteem and love.

So that magical deadline of January 13th helped get my unconscious mind focused on how to get me ready for my video course and brought the right books and experiences into my life to give me the clarity I needed. I’ve just written and sent off my scripts to be loaded up on the autocue and then on Wednesday, it’s playtime! I’m super excited like a kid waiting to go to Disneyland for the first time!

I don’t think I ever will try to force SMART goals on myself ever again. This whole experience reaffirmed that there is a great wisdom in life and it will speak to us through our intuition and synchronicities – aspects of the unconscious mind. We just have to be ready to receive the guidance consciously as it comes.

Life Is Better When Your Inner Child Is Happy :)

I was recommended this book, “The Wizdom Within” by Dr Irving Oyle, in a Facebook group I’m part of.  I was giving book suggestions on a thread about the Inner Child and another group member mentioned this book.  Unfortunately, it’s now out of print and I really don’t understand why because it’s full of practical wisdoIMG_1514m for transforming difficulties in life.  In fact, I love the ideas so much I’ve asked a few clients to let me practise with them so I can offer them to more people!

Just this evening, I tried them out with a client and it is the technique I’ve been looking for in my card readings!  Well, to tell you the truth, I accidentally stumbled on a similar technique with a client last year to great success but I didn’t know how to repeat the process.  And now this book has given me the answer.  I love getting my clients’ minds to tell them the answers they’re looking for.  I just know with every fibre of my being that each of us has a wealth of wisdom inside that could solve every conceivable problem we’ve ever had –  we just need certain techniques to draw it out.

And actually I don’t really like to call them “readings” because it sounds like all the advice will come from me.  And while I do step in with advice if I notice unhelpful thinking patterns, I love my work to empower clients and students and equip them with practical tools for making life better and better for themselves from within.

What I also love about this book is that it’s drawing together years of study and training in different fields.  I’m absolutely fascinated by the brain and the mind both from an educational/learning point of view and from a healing/personal growth point of view.  My Curious Inner Child loves it!

Oh and one more thing, here’s a link to an Inner Child Meditation I created earlier today to help you get in touch with your own Inner Child’s wisdom.  I hope you have fun with it!

Meet Your Inner Child Meditation