How Do You Change What’s Holding You Back?

All this inner work malarkey, it can be fascinating. The more you notice your patterns of limiting thoughts, beliefs and emotions and change them, the more space there is to stand back and see what’s going on so you can change it quicker.  And by changing it, you change how you’re interacting with every area of your life and it can flow better. In this post, I’m going to share a specific example from my own life of something that was unconsciously holding me back.  As I healed it in myself, I typed out what was happening so that I’d be able to share and give you insights into how to shift the blocks in your life and uncover where they originated from.  My example started with a comment that someone made.  My emotional response to the comment was an over-reaction, which is a big clue that something else is going on….

I’m on Denise Duffield-Thomas’s “Lucky Bee Money Bootcamp” which is really about self love, getting into alignment with your definition of abundance and charging prices that reflect the value you give. One of the hardest things for anyone who is caring and/or spiritual is to set prices that reflect the value you give.  Radically underpricing is a problem because somewhere along the way, you’ll probably start resenting how much you give for what you receive. Now of course the universe will always bring you back what you send out eventually, but if there’s resentment mixed in with what you’re giving, unfortunately that icky energy will come back too.  Naturally it’s good to give more in value than you’re charging, but from a place of abundance rather than lack. I have to admit that my own prices have been a bit wobbly for me and what I’m going to share is based on this problem I had!

Denise teaches Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) and forgiveness – which is a major part of the relationship work I do. The work in bootcamp is similar to what we learn to do in ThetaHealing – one of the modalities I practise and teach.  I began ThetaHealing in 2009 and I rather arrogantly thought that because I’d been doing ThetaHealing on myself for so many years, there wouldn’t be much left to clear  (except that my bank account says otherwise at the moment – it’s reflecting what’s going on in me)!   The money bootcamp has been eye opening.  Money stuff is a total rabbit hole of buried trauma, emotion and limiting beliefs.  ThetaHealing, EFT (tapping) and forgiveness are awesome tools for clearing the stuff, but this is lifelong mindset stuff – each new level of growth and expansion that we go to will bring more inner “stuff” to heal and release.

Some big stuck “stuff” I uncovered on Saturday was from criticism of my prices.  It was a fairly throwaway comment that I heard about my prices being too expensive. I didn’t think much at the time but then this feeling of anxiety and shame started to grow. I noticed myself getting defensive (inside my own head!) and got curious about what was going on. I let it go and then suddenly it hit me – criticism meant rejection to me! Now on a rational level, of course criticism isn’t rejection – it’s just an opinion about one aspect of what I’m doing in my life. Now I can see the root of a lot of self sabotage in my business – why would I put myself in front of lots of people if I’m afraid of being rejected if they don’t like what I do and how I think?

Now, that’s the first step in shifting the energy – getting clear on what the problem is. The next step is find out where I first put criticism and rejection together. The “theta” in ThetaHealing refers to the brainwave your brain is in between sleeping and waking and it’s where we can access the unconscious mind to make deep, lasting changes.  Hypnotherapists will take their clients into a theta state.  The difference in ThetaHealing is that the practitioner goes into the theta state while fully awake and the client’s brain shifts to the theta state without having to go into a trance.  Of course on this occasion, I was both practitioner and client!!

The Journey to The Block

Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash

My first step in shifting this block was to go into the theta state to have source energy retrain my unconscious mind to separate criticism and rejection and to help it know the difference between those. So I went into the theta state and said:

“Creator of all that is (the name we use in ThetaHealing for source energy), it is commanded that I be taught the difference between criticism and rejection, that I know how to separate criticism from rejection and that I be taught the knowing that I can never really be rejected because I am always accepted as I am by the creator. Thank you. it is done, it is done, it is done.”

So now that my mind can relax and separate criticism from rejection, it gives my unconscious mind a boost to be able to dig deeper and find the source of the problem.  You’ll notice that I also added in a higher truth about rejection – that it’s actually an illusion because we’re always accepted for you we are by god/creator/source (choose your favourite term!).

The second step was to ask my unconscious mind when it was that I first experienced criticism as rejection.  I saw myself as a small child crying, so I knew that this was a DEEP programme.  In the memory I’m recalling, I’ve done something that my parents disapprove of and have been shouted at by one of them (at this point, I wasn’t sure which one).  And it’s really hurt my little heart, so it’s a kind of trauma.  (Little children get traumatised much more easily than adults so being shouted at a person much bigger than you can be traumatic and it doesn’t necessarily need to be something abusive or life-threatening.)   So I asked creator to remove the pain, shock and trauma of that time and send unconditional love to little Jacqui.

After feeling that energy flow, I tuned into little Jacqui, she’s still afraid of the adult with her who is daddy. Daddy’s actually really stressed at work and it was his work frustration that he was letting out too. The next bit of the healing I did is moving away from the ThetaHealing technique and using my own inner child healing that I’ve naturally developed.  In my imagination, I sit with little Jacqui and show her a scene of daddy having big problems at work and show her the stress as a grey cloud that’s in his body.  Then I’ll show her how daddy gave her the grey cloud because he didn’t know what to do with it.  We’ll bring in an angel (my inner child likes and trusts angels) who will take the grey cloud away and take it back to creator to turn back into pure source energy.  Now little Jacqui understands what happened to daddy and knows that he’s not rejecting her (this little Jacqui was too young to understand with a verbal explanation – she needed to see it to understand it).   Now little Jacqui wants to hug daddy but he’s feeling bad. So we’re going to tell him we forgive him. We’re going to use “Ho’oponopono” the Hawaiian forgiveness ritual because it will help to find the source of the problem for daddy too and help him to heal it.   I’m finding that using “Ho’oponopono” with the ThetaHealing command makes a beautiful and powerful process.  I feel the energy moving and know that it’s happening.

I can feel that little Jacqui isn’t fully healed yet. Now what happened was that when she cried after being told off, she was told off again for crying.  Daddy had been feeling bad and the crying was making him feel worse, so his Inner Chimp took over (have a read of “The Chimp Paradox” to find out more about the Chimp). What I’m sensing little Jacqui needs is to know that her emotions are OK. That it’s OK to let her emotions flow without fear of being shouted at or rejected. And it turned out that this was that last little bit that she really needed – she needed to know that she wouldn’t be rejected if she let her emotions flow.

Now in my imagination, daddy and little Jacqui are holding hands and smiling – experiencing the joy and happiness of their true selves together. She’s skipping and he’s smiling.  My body feels lighter too after shifting the stuck thoughts, beliefs and emotions.

And now criticism and rejection aren’t the same thing in my mind. They’ve become very separate and I’ve reinforced the idea that I actually can’t really be rejected because I’m always accepted by the creator.

So that’s the end of the process and I can shut down the healing channels and come back into my body.

Reflections On The Journey 

I know it sounds kind of nutty to go through these processes, but the difference to how I was feeling before and after the process was pretty striking.  I’ve still got a little more “stuff” to work on around my pricing but I definitely feel better about criticism, which will help me crank up my visibility.  This is a typical journey I take with my clients too but of course we never really know where the journey will lead – other than shifting the block we’re looking at because that’s what we’ve set the intention to do!

It’s always a fascinating journey to the source of the problem. To give a quick overview, what started with vague feeling of anxiety and shame turned out to be a realisation that I was feeling criticism and rejection as the same thing. Digging deeper into it, it was a childhood memory from when I was very small of where I felt rejected and criticised by there was actually more going on than my toddler mind could understand, so my toddler self needed my adult self to be with her and to show her what really happened so she could understand and let go.  Letting go and healing the problem at the source means that that energy that was stuck and fragmented can be reintegrated back with the rest of me.  Each time something happens that splits us off from the truth of who we are, we get left we a frozen piece of energy blocking the flow in our lives.  Because life wants us to be whole, it will bring situations that can bring our attention to the frozen pieces so we can melt them and bring them back into alignment and flow with the whole system.

Check out my free relationship healing meditation that will help you remember that you and others are so much more than your earthly selves.  Just like the healing ended with my dad and I being in a higher, happier place, the meditation will remind you that that’s who we really are in our true essence.  Click HERE to get the meditation and to stay in touch via my mailing list <3

Inner Child Healing in a New Way


Denise Linn’s Soul Coaching Oracle Cards – Sanctuary

was a day of remembering that I love Inner Child work.  Our childhoods have such a far reaching influence on our lives, that this little person still inside us needs care and attention as much as anyone does.  But yesterday Inner Child Healing went in a fascinating new direction.

Learning is Power

As a teacher, I believe in the power of learning and of teaching people skills to become independent.  I’ve never wanted to be the kind of healer that people come to again and again to “fix” problems.  I always want to teach self-healing skills alongside my healing sessions.  But many of us weren’t empowered as children and our voices weren’t heard.  We had to follow the rules and listen to authority figures.  In the process we lost touch with our own guidance and intuition.  It got squashed by following the authority figures in our lives.  Times are changing and the trend in childcare is for learning to be child-led and with far greater understanding of normal child behaviour and development.  But for those of us who didn’t receive this kind of nursery education, our Inner Child is dying to be heard.

Power of the Imagination

I use what Carl Jung would call “Active Imagination” in healing sessions.  My clients’ unconscious minds show me symbols of what’s going on and I get guidance from spiritual guides and the creator on how best to help the client move forward.  My job is to ask for healing and witness it – the mind is so powerful that using the imagination in this way really can help people feel better.  But a fascinating process unfolded with a client on my narcissism programme recently.  Usually I follow the guidance and use active imagination to witness the healing happen but on this occasion, I had to sit back and guide the Inner Child to do the healing herself once I’d asked for it.  Just like a nursery school teacher would, I was prompting the child to come up with solutions to the problems we were seeing.  And wow, was it effective!  The Inner Child felt heard and more confident and the problems went away quickly and in a light, game-like way.

Everyone is Unique

I have no idea whether this technique will be needed again.  Each session is best when it’s tailored to what the client needs and that’s the fun of working  in this way.  As long as we’ve set an intention for where we want to be, the unconscious mind and spiritual guidance will work together to get us there somehow.  It’s such a fascinating process and it unfolds differently for different people.

Why not give this technique a try next time you have a problem?  Set the intention to solve the problem, connect with your Inner Child  in your imagination and prompt him or her to find creative solutions to it.  Let me know how you get on if you try it!  My contact details are to the left 🙂

The Hokey Cokey and ThetaHealing?

A few years ago I saw a sign that said “What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it’s all about?” and didn’t buy it.  I could’ve kicked myself for not grabbing it then.  Then yesterday I was shopping in Lyndhurst and found one.  So this time I nabbed it!

Hokey Cokey

At the end of my last ThetaHealing training, we all did the Hokey Cokey together.  My Inner Child just loves the “Oooooooh, the Hokey Cokey” hand-holding-and-running-into-the-middle bit.

But as many a true word is said in jest, I really do think there’s a valuable message in the song. It’s the idea of putting your whole self in.  ThetaHealing is most definitely a great tool for helping us do that.  From childhood our minds get filled with other people’s ideas of how we should live and with society’s rules about what is and isn’t acceptable.  These form unconscious beliefs that stop us being our whole selves – I’m not good enough, I’m not loveable, there’s something wrong with me – all of these beliefs hold us back from being our whole selves.  By learning ThetaHealing, you learn a tool to dive deep and clear away those limiting beliefs and gradually let our whole selves out.

Inspiring quote from Oprah’s Bold Moves Game

Later after I got home from my shopping trip yesterday, I stayed up late all the while thinking “I really should go to sleep”.  But I had an inner nudge to play an iPhone game I’ve been playing quite a lot recently  – Oprah’s Bold Moves.  (It’s basically Candy Crush with prettier scenes and inspiring quotes!)  I had been stuck on a difficult level for days but last night I completed it and finally unlocked the quote.  As synchronicty would have it, it was about gradually putting your whole self in!!  I’ve included it here as evidence!

Altogether now: “Your put your whole self in, your whole self out, in, out, in, out and shake it all about.  You do the Hokey Cokey and you turn around.  That’s what it’s all about!”

I do love it when synchronicity enhances a message you’re playing with!

If you’d like to know more about how ThetaHealing can help you Hokey Cokey up your life, I’ve got more information for you here.  My next course is planned  for the last weekend in February or you can check out the ThetaHealing homepage to find an instructor near you. (I can’t guarantee they’ll end with the Hokey Cokey!)

ThetaHealing Training


Freedom and the Inner Child

Last night I gave a talk and mini-workshop on Connecting with the Inner Child at Horndean Positive Living Group.

Connecting with your Inner Child is vital to creating your own version of heaven on Earth.  The Inner Child is the bridge between the ego (our false, small self) and the soul (our true, expansive self).  The Inner Child carries all the qualities that can help bring humanity forward –

  • curiosity
  • wonder
  • emotional expression
  • creativity
  • non-judgment
  • spontaneity
  • being immersed in the moment
  • imagination
  • vision
  • joy
  • vitality

In fact, these are qualities that spiritual development involves.  For example, from a spiritual development perspective, the art of manifesting encourages us to use all of these to turn our highest visions into reality.  We need imagination and vision to aim higher.  We need creativity to make it happen and be adaptable.  We need non-judgment, spontaneity, vitality and joy and to be immersed in the moment in order to detach from the outcome to let universal energies do their job.

But for so many of us, childhood was a time of restricting and shutting down all of these qualities.  It was a survival mechanism to adapt to the environment we were brought up in.  And because our unconscious minds were wide open, all of the learning and adaptation went deep, deep into our psyches.   It no wonder we have expressions like “a leopard can’t change its spots” and we create beliefs that “people don’t change” because the learning is so deeply ingrained that it can seem impossible to change.

However, deep and lasting change IS possible.  Everyone can recover all of these child-like qualities and live their own version of heaven.  But it isn’t an overnight process and it does require commitment to change.  Through deep healing practices like ThetaHealing we can change the deep seated learning and rewire the brain.  In my experience we also then need to process the old emotions that got repressed and blocked to release their energy and restore  our natural, healthy emotional flow.

And once we’ve done that, there is a freedom that comes.  We’re free from the burdens of the past.  We’re free to be joyful, spontaneous and vibrant.  We’re free to live life on our own terms.  We’re free to have fun.  We’re free to live the highest expression of our souls.  We’re free of judgment and restriction.  We’re free to thrive.

That kind of freedom is an expression of love. 

If you’d like to begin or continue your journey of connecting with your Inner Child, I’ll be running workshops in Eastleigh, Hampshire, UK.  The first one  is on 20th March, 2016.  Details are on my events page.

Theta Magic at The Sustainability Centre

Here are some pictures from our ThetaHealing Basic Practitioner training 24th-26th October 2015.  We gathered in a lovely yurt at the Sustainability Centre for 3 days of personal development and healing.

It was my first time teaching this particular course, so a small group was just right for me to get into the swing of it.  Each participant gave everything to the course and they were so impressed at what they could do for each other even by the end of day 1!  We learned how to change limiting beliefs, change the energy of DNA so it will infuse the physical DNA, remove other people’s soul fragments stuck in us as well as talking to guardian angels and learning how to use the ThetaHealing technique for manifesting and giving future readings.

I was so proud of everyone and we will all be gathering soon to practice more and share our insights.  It was great to watch each participant’s confidence grow over the 3 days.

I already have a lot of interest for the next course.  If you’d like to join us and see what’s possible for you, just join my mailing list or fill in the form below.  Also if you have any queries, don’t hesitate to contact me and I’ll do my best to help you.

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