How Do You Change What’s Holding You Back?

All this inner work malarkey, it can be fascinating. The more you notice your patterns of limiting thoughts, beliefs and emotions and change them, the more space there is to stand back and see what’s going on so you can change it quicker.  And by changing it, you change how you’re interacting with every area of your life and it can flow better. In this post, I’m going to share a specific example from my own life of something that was unconsciously holding me back.  As I healed it in myself, I typed out what was happening so that I’d be able to share and give you insights into how to shift the blocks in your life and uncover where they originated from.  My example started with a comment that someone made.  My emotional response to the comment was an over-reaction, which is a big clue that something else is going on….

I’m on Denise Duffield-Thomas’s “Lucky Bee Money Bootcamp” which is really about self love, getting into alignment with your definition of abundance and charging prices that reflect the value you give. One of the hardest things for anyone who is caring and/or spiritual is to set prices that reflect the value you give.  Radically underpricing is a problem because somewhere along the way, you’ll probably start resenting how much you give for what you receive. Now of course the universe will always bring you back what you send out eventually, but if there’s resentment mixed in with what you’re giving, unfortunately that icky energy will come back too.  Naturally it’s good to give more in value than you’re charging, but from a place of abundance rather than lack. I have to admit that my own prices have been a bit wobbly for me and what I’m going to share is based on this problem I had!

Denise teaches Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) and forgiveness – which is a major part of the relationship work I do. The work in bootcamp is similar to what we learn to do in ThetaHealing – one of the modalities I practise and teach.  I began ThetaHealing in 2009 and I rather arrogantly thought that because I’d been doing ThetaHealing on myself for so many years, there wouldn’t be much left to clear  (except that my bank account says otherwise at the moment – it’s reflecting what’s going on in me)!   The money bootcamp has been eye opening.  Money stuff is a total rabbit hole of buried trauma, emotion and limiting beliefs.  ThetaHealing, EFT (tapping) and forgiveness are awesome tools for clearing the stuff, but this is lifelong mindset stuff – each new level of growth and expansion that we go to will bring more inner “stuff” to heal and release.

Some big stuck “stuff” I uncovered on Saturday was from criticism of my prices.  It was a fairly throwaway comment that I heard about my prices being too expensive. I didn’t think much at the time but then this feeling of anxiety and shame started to grow. I noticed myself getting defensive (inside my own head!) and got curious about what was going on. I let it go and then suddenly it hit me – criticism meant rejection to me! Now on a rational level, of course criticism isn’t rejection – it’s just an opinion about one aspect of what I’m doing in my life. Now I can see the root of a lot of self sabotage in my business – why would I put myself in front of lots of people if I’m afraid of being rejected if they don’t like what I do and how I think?

Now, that’s the first step in shifting the energy – getting clear on what the problem is. The next step is find out where I first put criticism and rejection together. The “theta” in ThetaHealing refers to the brainwave your brain is in between sleeping and waking and it’s where we can access the unconscious mind to make deep, lasting changes.  Hypnotherapists will take their clients into a theta state.  The difference in ThetaHealing is that the practitioner goes into the theta state while fully awake and the client’s brain shifts to the theta state without having to go into a trance.  Of course on this occasion, I was both practitioner and client!!

The Journey to The Block

Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash

My first step in shifting this block was to go into the theta state to have source energy retrain my unconscious mind to separate criticism and rejection and to help it know the difference between those. So I went into the theta state and said:

“Creator of all that is (the name we use in ThetaHealing for source energy), it is commanded that I be taught the difference between criticism and rejection, that I know how to separate criticism from rejection and that I be taught the knowing that I can never really be rejected because I am always accepted as I am by the creator. Thank you. it is done, it is done, it is done.”

So now that my mind can relax and separate criticism from rejection, it gives my unconscious mind a boost to be able to dig deeper and find the source of the problem.  You’ll notice that I also added in a higher truth about rejection – that it’s actually an illusion because we’re always accepted for you we are by god/creator/source (choose your favourite term!).

The second step was to ask my unconscious mind when it was that I first experienced criticism as rejection.  I saw myself as a small child crying, so I knew that this was a DEEP programme.  In the memory I’m recalling, I’ve done something that my parents disapprove of and have been shouted at by one of them (at this point, I wasn’t sure which one).  And it’s really hurt my little heart, so it’s a kind of trauma.  (Little children get traumatised much more easily than adults so being shouted at a person much bigger than you can be traumatic and it doesn’t necessarily need to be something abusive or life-threatening.)   So I asked creator to remove the pain, shock and trauma of that time and send unconditional love to little Jacqui.

After feeling that energy flow, I tuned into little Jacqui, she’s still afraid of the adult with her who is daddy. Daddy’s actually really stressed at work and it was his work frustration that he was letting out too. The next bit of the healing I did is moving away from the ThetaHealing technique and using my own inner child healing that I’ve naturally developed.  In my imagination, I sit with little Jacqui and show her a scene of daddy having big problems at work and show her the stress as a grey cloud that’s in his body.  Then I’ll show her how daddy gave her the grey cloud because he didn’t know what to do with it.  We’ll bring in an angel (my inner child likes and trusts angels) who will take the grey cloud away and take it back to creator to turn back into pure source energy.  Now little Jacqui understands what happened to daddy and knows that he’s not rejecting her (this little Jacqui was too young to understand with a verbal explanation – she needed to see it to understand it).   Now little Jacqui wants to hug daddy but he’s feeling bad. So we’re going to tell him we forgive him. We’re going to use “Ho’oponopono” the Hawaiian forgiveness ritual because it will help to find the source of the problem for daddy too and help him to heal it.   I’m finding that using “Ho’oponopono” with the ThetaHealing command makes a beautiful and powerful process.  I feel the energy moving and know that it’s happening.

I can feel that little Jacqui isn’t fully healed yet. Now what happened was that when she cried after being told off, she was told off again for crying.  Daddy had been feeling bad and the crying was making him feel worse, so his Inner Chimp took over (have a read of “The Chimp Paradox” to find out more about the Chimp). What I’m sensing little Jacqui needs is to know that her emotions are OK. That it’s OK to let her emotions flow without fear of being shouted at or rejected. And it turned out that this was that last little bit that she really needed – she needed to know that she wouldn’t be rejected if she let her emotions flow.

Now in my imagination, daddy and little Jacqui are holding hands and smiling – experiencing the joy and happiness of their true selves together. She’s skipping and he’s smiling.  My body feels lighter too after shifting the stuck thoughts, beliefs and emotions.

And now criticism and rejection aren’t the same thing in my mind. They’ve become very separate and I’ve reinforced the idea that I actually can’t really be rejected because I’m always accepted by the creator.

So that’s the end of the process and I can shut down the healing channels and come back into my body.

Reflections On The Journey 

I know it sounds kind of nutty to go through these processes, but the difference to how I was feeling before and after the process was pretty striking.  I’ve still got a little more “stuff” to work on around my pricing but I definitely feel better about criticism, which will help me crank up my visibility.  This is a typical journey I take with my clients too but of course we never really know where the journey will lead – other than shifting the block we’re looking at because that’s what we’ve set the intention to do!

It’s always a fascinating journey to the source of the problem. To give a quick overview, what started with vague feeling of anxiety and shame turned out to be a realisation that I was feeling criticism and rejection as the same thing. Digging deeper into it, it was a childhood memory from when I was very small of where I felt rejected and criticised by there was actually more going on than my toddler mind could understand, so my toddler self needed my adult self to be with her and to show her what really happened so she could understand and let go.  Letting go and healing the problem at the source means that that energy that was stuck and fragmented can be reintegrated back with the rest of me.  Each time something happens that splits us off from the truth of who we are, we get left we a frozen piece of energy blocking the flow in our lives.  Because life wants us to be whole, it will bring situations that can bring our attention to the frozen pieces so we can melt them and bring them back into alignment and flow with the whole system.

Check out my free relationship healing meditation that will help you remember that you and others are so much more than your earthly selves.  Just like the healing ended with my dad and I being in a higher, happier place, the meditation will remind you that that’s who we really are in our true essence.  Click HERE to get the meditation and to stay in touch via my mailing list <3