What’s real and what’s not real?
On the surface, it seems like an easy question. At least, it’s an easy question when we’re talking about things you can physically experience with your senses. But even then, fans of “The Matrix” will know that what we think we can see, touch, taste, hear and smell are all just electrical signals from our nerve cells to our brains. OK, that’s a really complicated philosophical discussion and well beyond my thinking capabilities! So for sake of simplicity, let’s just assume that things we can see, touch, taste, hear and smell are real.
But what about more abstract concepts? How do we know what is real when it comes to more abstract ideas? I had an encounter with a narcissist that forced me to question what was real and what wasn’t. I’ll leave the details of the encounter for another time but people that are narcissists and/or sociopaths like to exploit your weaknesses, your insecurities and take you to the edge of sanity. It’s about power and control. Perhaps deep down they lack power and control themselves and look out for ways to get it by controlling others. You might have heard of one mind game that they like to play: gaslighting. They’ll do something and then swear to you they haven’t, leaving you to question your own sanity. Being in a place of questioning your own sanity is not pretty at all. It’s hell.
If I did explain to you now what happened with the narcissist, you’d think I was nuts. To be honest, I don’t know which parts were my active imagination, which parts were me wanting to see certain things and which parts were things done by the narcissist to confuse and control me. And I never will. But I’ve made peace with that because it doesn’t matter what happened then. What matters is what I do with what I learned and how I can use it to help others.
Is Love Real?
And how do we know love is real? We can’t measure it or touch it. But we know it’s nonsense to question whether it’s real. Right before my encounter with the narcissist, I had felt an upsurge of love. Colours were brighter, everything was more beautiful and I was glowing. Many people asked me if I was in love with someone. I wish then my little mind understood that love doesn’t have to be attached to another person and that is can rise up spontaneously for no reason other than the beauty of being alive. A quiet voice inside me knew that then.
Perhaps the narcissist was a gift from beyond to clear out all that was blocking me from having more of that experience of being in love with life. And is that perspective based on reality? Who on Earth knows for sure? But I get to choose my perspective and I get to choose what happens in my inner world.
And I choose a perspective that lets me feel more love.
If you’ve had an experience with a narcissist or sociopath, I would love to hear from you. Whether you’ve already healed or are in the process of doing so, I’d love to hear your story for a book I’m about to write on this topic. Contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org