To fully regain your power and confidence after the shattering effects of narcissism, I believe you need a holistic approach – mind, body, emotions and spirit working in harmony with each other. When each of these pieces of your earthly self is supporting the others, you open up space for your heart and soul to infuse your life with love and you can stand in your unique truth. Ultimately, after all of the lies and distortions of the narcissist, you need to stand in your truth to heal and take your power back.
The Lie of “not good enough”
The chances are that if a narcissist came into your life, you’re a caring, empathic soul who believes a better, fairer world is possible and wants to help people with your knowledge, experience and skills. Quite probably you lacked confidence and put others’ needs before your own and if you were raised by a narcissist, you probably learned to put your narcissist parent’s needs before your own and regularly feel guilty if you don’t. During the healing process, it’s vital to look after yourself so that you have the energy and presence to dive deep to heal the wounds of “never good enough” and “my needs don’t matter”. You are more than good enough and your needs matter and when you truly believe that, you can contribute even more.
So here are 10 tips for taking care of yourself along your healing journey to wholeness:
- Remember that Life Loves You. This is one of Louise Hay’s most famous affirmations and the title of a beautiful book she co-wrote with Dr. Robert Holden. The “you” that is being loved by life is not your ego or self image, it’s your soul and true self. Your ego and self image most certainly did not want to experience the devastating effects of a narcissist, but on a soul level you know that you have learned so many valuable lessons that have helped you evolve and grow and break out of the ego’s hold over your life. Relationships can smash our hearts open like nothing else so that we move out of our heads and into our hearts.
- Cut the energetic ties to the narcissist. Even when the narcissist is physically distant from you, if they have energy ties to you, they will still be siphoning off your energy leaving you depleted and confused. When you think about what they did, this will reactivate the wounds and keep the flow of energy to them. So visualise any hooks, threads or ties being cut and severed. You may need to consult an energy healer to help with this.
- Learn to connect with your heart and gradually let go of your head’s dominance. In school you were taught to obey rules and not question authority. You were also taught by example every day that head-based activities have value and heart/right brain activities are frivolous. That may be true for getting into college or university but it’s most definitely not true for living a fulfilling life and healing from the shattering effects of narcissism. I have a meditation here to help you do this and it’s the first stage of my programme for healing from Narcissism.
- Make self care your top priority. Get in touch with your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. Give yourself some quiet space to ask within what those needs are and promise yourself that you will commit to meeting as many as you can. The more you meet your own needs, the more you teach your mind, emotions, body and spirit that you are true to your word. And the more you are true to your own word, the more trust you can build in your life.
- Make time to rest when you need to. You’ve been using enormous amounts of energy in your relationship. Your healing journey requires deep work and it’s important to take time to rest and rejuvenate.
- Get to know your emotions and what messages they are communicating to you. In their healthy state, they are just messages to alert you to things you haven’t noticed and help you flow with what’s happening in life. Old, stuck emotions can affect the natural flow of emotions because we were never taught how to listen to and act on our emotions. Here are a few examples of emotions in their healthy, flowing states:
- Healthy anger alerts us the fact that someone else is violating our boundaries and we need to take some action (it needn’t be fiery and strong – it can simply be an assertive “no”).
- Healthy sadness helps us let go of what’s not serving us anymore. Tears help us release physically and energetically.
- Healthy shame alerts us to reflect on our actions because they could be violating someone else’s boundaries.
- Healthy fear helps us focus on our surroundings and bring our attention to the present moment.
- Find a greater meaning for your experience that you can use to contribute to people’s lives. Humans are meant to help each other and when you can find a higher purpose for your experiences where you inspire and help others, you can handle anything and heal yourself.
- Learn about the power of your unconscious beliefs (particularly ones around your worthiness and enoughness) and find ways to change them so they help you live more happily and confidently. Beliefs influence how you feel about yourself and the moment to moment decisions that you make each day. ThetaHealing is the main method I use because it gets to very deep-seated beliefs beyond those created in your own lifetime. Our beliefs are not only influenced by our childhood, but also by our ancestors and the collective unconscious. Gradually reprogramming your mind with less limiting beliefs like “I’m not enough” and more empowering beliefs like “I’m enough” and “I’m worthy” helps you raise your vibration and make more empowering decisions moment by moment. It’s these moment by moment decisions that create your whole life experience.
- Be truthful with yourself. Even the ugliest, most painful truth is a firmer foundation than forced positive thinking. Your body feels the truth and responds to it, so to rebuild the inner trust, you need to be truthful. Once you’ve been truthful, you can start to look for positives and solutions. But your solutions and positives will have more impact if they come from the truth first.
- Learn to forgive. No doubt the toughest of all the tips here but the most transformational. And yet this is what will truly set you free. True forgiveness happens in the heart and takes time, but it’s the key to shifting from being a victim to taking back your power. Forgiveness takes you from your head and opens your heart.
These are my tips from what’s helped my clients and me to get to feeling true, free and empowered after experiencing the shame, self-doubt and fear left from narcissistic and controlling relationships.
If you feel called, I would love to walk with you on your healing journey. I have created a programme to help you heal and stand in your heart’s truth and power. My clients who’ve experienced it have called it life changing and transformational. You can find details of my healing programme here.
May you know your true worth and be guided by your heart.