How And Why A Narcissist Sells In The Way That They Do

Furious.  Frustrated.  Feeling stupid.  Feeling duped.  Feeling like a mug.  Relieved to hear you’re not the only one.  Boiling resentment.  Shame.

That’s how it can feel when you’ve been sold to by a narcissistic business owner – and trust me, I’ve been there myself!  In this post, I’ll use my studies of narcissism and work with my clients to help explain what’s going on and why it can be so difficult to shake the negative feelings associated with narcissistic relationships.

You probably recognise at least some of these characteristics of narcissistic sales.    Please add any more you’ve noticed in the comments!

  1. It’s very impressive – there might even be some really convincing facts and qualifications to make them seem highly credible
  2. It taps into your fears and seems to alleviate them e.g. lack of money in your business, getting more interest in your products
  3. Often it involves making more money
  4. There’s a push to buy quickly
  5. No refunds or guarantees
  6. Plenty of NLP and mind triggers to get you to buy
  7. There’ll be a sob story and probably a rags-to-riches story too
  8. There’s an element of “poor me” going on so you feel you can’t complain
  9. They’ll use impressive sales statistics (and not show you how many people were actually satisfied with the product or service)
  10. They lie or twist the truth
  11. They might have a couple of people who achieved success around to give a testimonial, but genuine testimonials are few and far between
  12. After you’ve bought it, you realise the product or service you bought doesn’t do what they said it would do
  13. The product or service looks flashy and fancy, but has little substance

So Why Do They Do This And Why Do You Go Along With It?

Well, let’s have a look at what narcissism is and what’s going on in that person.  The best explanation of narcissism that I’ve come across is by Dr Craig Malkin, author of “Rethinking Narcissism”.

His model is The Narcissism Spectrum Scale and we all fall on the scale somewhere between 0 and 10.  At 10 is full-on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and at 0 is what Dr Malkin calls “Echoism”.  In the original myth, Narcissus fell in love with his reflection in a pool and Echo fell in love with Narcissus.  But Echo had been cursed by Hera to only ever be able to repeat back what someone else has said, so when Narcissus said “who’s there?”, Echo could only repeat back “Who’s there?” and you can imagine how frustrating that conversation was!  Right in the centre of the Narcissism Spectrum Scale at 5, we have what Dr Malkin calls “Healthy Narcissism”.  Yes, there is such a thing as healthy narcissism.

Anyway, the key to this scale for Dr Malkin is specialness.   At the higher end, people have a need to be more special than everyone else around them.  At the lower end, people have a need for other people to be more special.  So you can see how dysfunctional but natural a relationship between a narcissist and an echoist would be.  What’s happening at 5 with healthy narcissism is that instead of my specialness being in relations to anyone else around, I’m special in my own right and I also know that you’re special too.  My specialness doesn’t diminish yours and your specialness doesn’t diminish mine.  In fact, both of us shine brighter when we acknowledge and celebrate each other’s specialness.

Narcissists and echoists lack self esteem and true heart-centred confidence in themselves so they look to other people outside of themselves to provide it.  Healthy narcissists have near unshakeable confidence.  For sure, we can move up and down the scale according to circumstances and who we’re with, but those around the middle tend to have better awareness of when their specialness starts being compared to other people.

Specialness and Sales

So let’s go back to the sales of the narcissist.  They have a NEED to be more special than you, so they can’t create anything that would actually help you to outshine them.  On a heart level, there is deep pain and discomfort that they have built defence mechanisms around.  They’re trying to control the world outside themselves to maintain this special facade so they don’t have to go into that pain.  Realising that they’re no more special than anyone else would be a big blow to their vulnerable egos.

I don’t know for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a deeply wounded and neglected inner child in there who is desperate for love and acceptance just as they are.  They don’t really want attention to be conditional on them being more special but it’s just too painful for them to go to the truth.  So they continue living a fantasy life – and that’s where the lies come from.

Can you see why you’re unlikely to be able to give feedback, review them or get a refund?   They can’t reflect truthfully and honestly.  Any hint of criticism will be met with fury (it might be veiled but it’s there) because it reflects their own deep insecurities.  And the refund would hit that all important money goal they have and use to wow people.  Look deeper and you’ll see they probably have money problems that they hide from others.

Why Did You Fall For It?

Don’t worry, it’s not a mirror of your true self.  Yes we can all be a bit narcissistic and egotistical from time to time, but there was more going on.  They tapped into your big dreams of reaching more people to help and they tapped into your desire for financial security.  If you’re reading this far, I’m pretty sure that you’re the type of person who cares deeply about people and who wants to help people in your business far more than you want loads of money.

When they tapped into your big dreams and financial worries, it was done with manipulative techniques and it’s my belief that when a person taps into another  person’s subconscious mind to influence them for their own gain without conscious permission, a violation has happened.  Part of the difficulty in trying to let go and forgive is that a piece of them is lodged in you, in your energy system.  Since you can only heal and process energy that belongs to you, it’s really hard to let go of your stuck negative feelings because you can’t heal and process what isn’t yours.  Instead you need a way to get rid of their energy from your system.   –

There Is Hope

Clearing this stuff is what I do and I’ve been doing it for people with narcissistic family members, partners or spouses.  You don’t have to stay stuck with their energy and you most definitely can let it go.  The main technique I use to remove foreign energy in a person’s system is ThetaHealing and then I use a powerful forgiveness process as well.  Forgiveness really does bring about compassion and freedom.

Trust In Yourself

Trust in…

  • your emotions
  • your body
  • your heart
  • your soul
  • your intuition
  • your spiritual gifts and abilities
  • your ability to change your thoughts
  • your ability to learn
  • your ability to set boundaries
  • your bullshit detector
  • your ability to heal the past
  • life’s wisdom
  • what life brings you
  • the idea of life happening for you
  • your ability to change the unconscious programmes running your life
  • your ability to ask for help from the right people
  • your ability to find the perfect people to help you with everything you need
  • your ability to discern who to trust and who not to trust
  • your life experiences as valuable lessons and insights to others
  • your ability to inspire others with your truth
  • your wildest, craziest dreams and visions

Trust in yourself, beautiful soul.  Trust in yourself.   <3

To help you do this, Yoga Teacher Lesley Wilson and I have created a gorgeous workshop called “Loving and Trusting Yourself Again”.  You can see the details here if you feel called to join us <3

Gifts From Murky Depths of The Water Element

What if envy had a vital message?  What if all of the darker emotions had vital messages for us?  What if being true to yourself means honouring all of the emotions?

The idea of the 4 Elements appears in many traditions and cultures.  The Kabbalah, Astrology, The Tarot, Native American wisdom – all of these use the idea that we’re made up of the 4 basic elements of earth, water, air and fire.  These 4 elements correspond to different part of our human selves:

Earth – the physical body

Water – the emotions

Air – thoughts and beliefs, the intellect

Fire – our creativity, imagination, intuition and the spiritual self

Having total wellbeing means that all 4 elements are working in harmony with each other and are balanced.  The problem we have in western societies is that the air element tends to overpower all the others.  In many education systems, intellectual achievement is valued over everything else.  Wiser schools and colleges know that creativity (fire), movement in the physical body (earth) and emotional intelligence (water) are just as vital to our overall intelligence as pure academic enquiry is.

The darker emotions (water) like envy, anger, fear and shame are only darker because we rarely bring them into the light of awareness.  But when we take the time to listen to their messages, they can give us invaluable insights to navigate whatever we’re facing and find the truth of it.  The deeper truth is always healing.

Whenever I feel one of the darker emotions come up, my first place to look it up  is Karla McLaren’s excellent book “The Language of Emotions”.  Emotions originate in the lower parts of the brain – the limbic system and they are responses to our environment – both the external environment (around our physical bodies) and in response to our internal beliefs and thoughts.  When we get the higher parts of the brain that deal with thinking to connect up with and work with the lower parts of the brain, we get more control over our state and can move through problems and issues with more ease.  Life is richer and fuller.  This is air and water working together.

But when the thinking part of the brain is cut off from the emotions, we can buy into collective thinking and ideas that stunt our own development and keep us small.  For example, the idea that emotions are primitive and dumb and should never be on show became a collective belief about emotions.   Living from this intellect-centred view shuts off a vital part of ourselves that brings integrity to our whole systems.  We have the evidence of what a lack of emotion does to us – humans can commit unspeakable acts of violence and cruelty when there is no regulation from emotions, such as in the case of some psychopaths, sociopaths and extreme narcissists.  But those who feel emotions richly are often the great healers and compassionate, visionary contributors to society.

I noticed my own envy coming up about other people’s business successes.  Karla differentiates between jealousy and envy.  She says that jealousy is about unfaithfulness or deceit in close relationships whereas envy is about “unfair distribution of resources or recognition”.  Boy, oh boy does that resonate for me!  “Why do all these other business owners get to have thriving businesses (i.e. good income) and recognition when I’m struggling?”  The clue to answering this question my mind invented is in Karla’s empathic practice for dealing with envy:

Discern whether you’re responding to disloyalty and unfairness in others or to your own lack of self-regard and worthiness.  In either case, restore your boundaries first; then listen to your intuition and honor the anger and fear inside…envy.

The Language of Emotions, p.263

What an insight!  My envy is really about my own lack of self- regard and worthiness and it’s OK to feel that and to acknowledge it.  The inner work is to dive into it and see what guidance my intuition has on what my next step is.  Karla has another gem of an explanation of diving into envy:

When your envy is welcomed and channelled honorably, it will help you uncover unhealed issues and traumas that continue to haunt your present-day behavior.  p.276

When I did deep dive into it, sure enough, there was a massive unhealed trauma and belief about being abandoned by important meant.  It was blocking the flow of masculine energy in me and now it’s healed, the flow has restored.  I’ll share more about this on a Facebook live because there are useful insights for everyone on the spiritual path.

By taking the time to stop, listen in and honour the insights that envy brought me, my energetic system is flowing better leaving me with better wellbeing in the present.  All the answers we really need are inside.  I call this inner healing wisdom our soul’s song.  We just need to get still and quiet enough to listen to its message and let it work its magic.

 

I’m creating a programme to help balance out the 4 elements and listen to the soul song.  I’ll do both an online course-based and a 1-1 session based version of the course.  If you’d be interested in being a beta tester for either version at a reduced rate, please do get in contact by FB message or email jacquimcginn@yahoo.co.uk

Here’s to embracing ALL of the emotions and letting the water element live fully in our lives.  <3

10 Tips to Heal After Narcissism

To fully regain your power and confidence after the shattering effects of narcissism, I believe you need a holistic approach – mind, body, emotions and spirit working in harmony with each other.   When each of these pieces of your earthly self is supporting the others, you open up space for your heart and soul to infuse your life with love and you can stand in your unique truth.  Ultimately, after all of the lies and distortions of the narcissist, you need to stand in your truth to heal and take your power back.

The Lie of “not good enough”

The chances are that if a narcissist came into your life, you’re a caring, empathic soul who believes a better, fairer world is possible and wants to help people with your knowledge, experience and skills.  Quite probably you lacked confidence and put others’ needs before your own and if you were raised by a narcissist, you probably learned to put your narcissist parent’s needs before your own and regularly feel guilty if you don’t.  During the healing process, it’s vital to look after yourself so that you have the energy and presence to dive deep to heal the wounds of “never good enough” and “my needs don’t matter”.  You are more than good enough and your needs matter and when you truly believe that, you can contribute even more.

So here are 10 tips for taking care of yourself along your healing journey to wholeness:

  1. Remember that Life Loves You.  This is one of Louise Hay’s most famous affirmations and the title of a beautiful book she co-wrote with Dr. Robert Holden.  The “you” that is being loved by life is not your ego or self image, it’s your soul and true self.  Your ego and self image most certainly did not want to experience the devastating effects of a narcissist, but on a soul level you know that you have learned so many valuable lessons that have helped you evolve and grow and break out of the ego’s hold over your life.  Relationships can smash our hearts open like nothing else so that we move out of our heads and into our hearts.  
  2. Cut the energetic ties to the narcissist.  Even when the narcissist is physically distant from you, if they have energy ties to you, they will still be siphoning off your energy leaving you depleted and confused.  When you think about what they did, this will reactivate the wounds and keep the flow of energy to them.  So visualise any hooks, threads or ties being cut and severed.  You may need to consult an energy healer to help with this.
  3. Learn to connect with your heart and gradually let go of your head’s dominance.  In school you were taught to obey rules and not question authority.  You were also taught by example every day that head-based activities have value and heart/right brain activities are frivolous.  That may be true for getting into college or university but it’s most definitely not true for living a fulfilling life and healing from the shattering effects of narcissism.  I have a meditation here to help you do this and it’s the first stage of my programme for healing from Narcissism.
  4. Make self care your top priority.  Get in touch with your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs.  Give yourself some quiet space to ask within what those needs are and promise yourself that you will commit to meeting as many as you can.  The more you meet your own needs, the more you teach your mind, emotions, body and spirit that you are true to your word.  And the more you are true to your own word, the more trust you can build in your life.
  5. Make time to rest when you need to.  You’ve been using enormous amounts of energy in your relationship. Your healing journey requires deep work and it’s important to take time to rest and rejuvenate.
  6. Get to know your emotions and what messages they are communicating to you.  In their healthy state, they are just messages to alert you to things you haven’t noticed and help you flow with what’s happening in life.  Old, stuck emotions can affect the natural flow of emotions because we were never taught how to listen to and act on our emotions.  Here are a few examples of emotions in their healthy, flowing states:
    • Healthy anger alerts us the fact that someone else is violating our boundaries and we need to take some action (it needn’t be fiery and strong – it can simply be an assertive “no”).
    • Healthy sadness helps us let go of what’s not serving us anymore.  Tears help us release physically and energetically.
    • Healthy shame alerts us to reflect on our actions because they could be violating someone else’s boundaries.
    • Healthy fear helps us focus on our surroundings and bring our attention to the present moment.
  7. Find a greater meaning for your experience that you can use to contribute to people’s lives.  Humans are meant to help each other and when you can find a higher purpose for your experiences where you inspire and help others, you can handle anything and heal yourself.
  8. Learn about the power of your unconscious beliefs (particularly ones around your worthiness and enoughness) and find ways to change them so they help you live more happily and confidently.  Beliefs influence how you feel about yourself and the moment to moment decisions that you make each day.  ThetaHealing is the main method I use because it gets to very deep-seated beliefs beyond those created in your own lifetime.  Our beliefs are not only influenced by our childhood, but also by our ancestors and the collective unconscious.  Gradually reprogramming your mind with less limiting beliefs like “I’m not enough” and more empowering beliefs like “I’m enough” and “I’m worthy” helps you raise your vibration and make more empowering decisions moment by moment.  It’s these moment by moment decisions that create your whole life experience.
  9. Be truthful with yourself.  Even the ugliest, most painful truth is a firmer foundation than forced positive thinking.  Your body feels the truth and responds to it, so to rebuild the inner trust, you need to be truthful.  Once you’ve been truthful, you can start to look for positives and solutions.  But your solutions and positives will have more impact if they come from the truth first.
  10. Learn to forgive.  No doubt the toughest of all the tips here but the most transformational.  And yet this is what will truly set you free.  True forgiveness happens in the heart and takes time, but it’s the key to shifting from being a victim to taking back your power.  Forgiveness takes you from your head and opens your heart.  

These are my tips from what’s helped my clients and me to get to feeling true, free and empowered after experiencing the shame, self-doubt and fear left from narcissistic and controlling relationships.

If you feel called, I would love to walk with you on your healing journey.  I have created a programme to help you heal and stand in your heart’s truth and power.  My clients who’ve experienced it have called it life changing and transformational.  You can find details of my healing programme here.

May you know your true worth and be guided by your heart.

Jacqui xxx

Christmas Light In The Darkness

It’s Christmas Eve and tomorrow is the day we’ve been building up to in Christian countries.  Pretty lights in the dark, decorations to lift our spirits, presents to delight loved ones and tons of food for those of us who are fortunate enough to have the family and funds to enjoy it all.

As 2016 draws to a close, I was pondering the symbolism of the Christmas story and the significance Christ could have nowadays.  2016 has been a tough year globally and it’s been a tough year for me personally.  Cancer, dementia and stroke have taken their toll on my loved ones.   The political promises built on clear lies, the extremism, the growing inequality… it can seem like the darkness is closing in.

Hope in the Darkness

Christmas comes just after the longest night in the Northern Hemisphere.  A bright star in the night sky announced the coming of a teacher of great love.  In spiritual circles, we talk of the Christ Consciousness – embodying the pure love of the great spiritual teachers like Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi and Kwan Yin.  All the religions and spiritual practices are in essence about connecting with this great source of love.  My family’s struggles with ill health have taught us to live more, appreciate more and be more present.

It’s our false selves or egos that make it seem that this great love is unavailable.  To be sure, the veil between our human selves and this great love can seem very thick.  But babies and young children radiate this pure love and see the world with eyes of wonder.  Their ego selves haven’t yet formed and they can delight in the pure joy and essence of Christmas.  Each of us maintains this pureness behind the tricks of the ego mind.

The Dropping Away of the False

So in these dark times, the essence of Christmas can give us hope that our false selves are gradually dropping away and revealing who we truly are:  sparks of a great divine love that can light up the darkness.

In case you didn’t catch this on Facebook – enjoy this little boy absolutely delighted by a visit from Santa <3 https://youtu.be/XCknt5JVPuI

Merry Christmas 2016

With Love

Jacqui xxx

 

Top Books For Getting Clarity On Your Soul’s Vision

Meaning and Clarity

Connecting with your Soul’s Vision is a powerful way to bring more meaning, self-belief and self-confidence into your life.  More than a “big why”, it can give you a “huge why” for the events of your life and the things you love to do.  I’ve created  a workbook of questions to help you unearth your Soul’s Vision.  To receive a free copy,  email me at jacquimcginn(@)yahoo.co.uk (obviously remove the brackets before you email me though!)

Here are the books that have helped me find enormous comfort, meaning and significance in the events of my life.  Enjoy!

Books to inspire you and help you find greater meaning in the events of your life now

  1. The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield
  2. The Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guide by Carol Adrienne and James Redfield
  3. Your Soul’s Plan by Robert Schwartz
  4. Many Lives, Many Masters by Dr Brian Weiss
  5. Soul Coaching: 28 Days To Discover The Real You by Denise Linn
  6. A Walk With A White Bushman by Laurens Van Der Post
  7. Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E Frankl

Books with techniques to help you greatly shift your mindset and consciousness to allow more of your soul’s wisdom to guide your life each day

  1. ThetaHealing: An Extraordinary Healing Modality by Vianna Stibal
  2. The Tapping Solution:A Revolutionary System For Stress-Free Living by Nick Ortner (also available as a DVD)
  3. Change Your Life In 7 Days by Paul McKenna
  4. Recovery Of Your Inner Child: The Acclaimed Method For Liberating Your Inner Self by Lucia Capacchione
  5. Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw
  6. The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You by Karla McLaren
  7. The Wizdom Within by Dr. Irving Oyle and Susan Jean (out of print but available)

I hope you enjoy them and I’d love to hear how you get on with them.  Remember to send me an email to request your free copy of the”Connect With Your Soul Vision” workbook!  My email is jacquimcginn(@)yahoo.co.uk

Here’s to getting clarity on what’s special and valuable about YOU!

Love Jacqui xxx

Trust Your Inner Nudges, Make Peace With Your Emotions

I was lucky enough to get to go to Glastonbury Festival this year.  I thought it was impossible because I don’t have the money to go at the moment and taking time off work would mean a drop in income too – eek!  But the opportunity arose to help out on a stall for a free ticket and I felt an inner nudge to say “yes” and take the risk.

And it totally paid off.  I had been getting more and more overwhelmed by everyday stresses around me and was losing my connection to spirit and to myself.  I wasn’t meditating enough or looking after my energy enough and it made my emotions go up and down all over the place.

Coldplay

I knew intuitively that Coldplay’s performance would be extra special for me and would contain some kind of synchronistic message.  Sure enough, their sacred geometry symbolism and heart-centred songs lifted me out of the stuckness and injected me with enough high energy to connect back with my true self.  And during the performance, “The Guest House” by Rumi was read out, which I posted about here a short while ago.  I knew it was telling me to focus my work on emotions now. Helping people to heal old, stuck emotions dragging them down and to create better, healthier relationships with emotions so that everyone could experience the bliss and joy that I was experiencing during the concert.  My new style of session that I’m practising now is more focused on releasing these old emotions to help clients bring more energy to the present.  So the performance was the much needed “me-time” that my body and soul had been crying out for and a beautiful affirmation of what’s waiting on the other side of all those stuck emotions.

Peace Dome

Glastonbury Peace Dome
Glastonbury Peace Dome

The Peace Dome up by the Stone Circle was the 2nd most healing place for me.  Unable to sleep at night with all the all-night partying going on around, I took myself off to meditate here.  The flame inside the peace dome is one originally lit from the fires after the Hiroshima bombing.  Japan is close to my heart because I lived there for over 9 years and built up and amazing life with amazing friends and coworkers.  I lived in Yokohama but I visited Hiroshima with my best friend and we fell in love with it.  To me, it is the wisest place on Earth in terms of peace.  Humanity’s worst creative expression was unleashed and the atmosphere of the place is one of reverence for life.  It’s a living appeal to end the use of atomic weapons because the consequences have been so painfully experienced and deeply felt.  Unimaginable suffering is caused to all who survive.  And whatever we do to anyone else, we do to ourselves.

And yet, underneath all of our “rational” international policies are centuries of unresolved hurt and failures to forgive and leave the past in the past.  Each of us creates the world we live in with the vibrations we create through our thoughts and emotions, it’s not just politicians and it’s not really fair to blame them alone.  Peace can only be a practical possibility when each of us takes responsibility for the thoughts and feelings that make up our particular vibration and choose to live the conscious journey of transmuting them to live more and more connected lives.  We are more well equipped than ever before with insights, healing modalities, scientific studies and ways to connect en masse.  Once we reach a critical mass of people committed to releasing the past and daring to create better futures, the positive changes will ripple out and inspire the rest to find out where all the health, abundance and happiness is coming from and how they can access it too.

The Peace Dome is a sacred space that invites connection and reflection and to light candles in the dark.  It helped me process and release all the pent-up emotions and brought me back to my authentic self on the other side.  The part of me that truly knows we’re all connected and we’re all sparks of one divine source.

But I believe we mustn’t jump to that place without honouring the past – fully receiving its lessons and allowing the appropriate emotions to flow.  Without this conscious process, we’re by-passing the learning and just ignoring a vital, life-affirming part of ourselves.  And life is so much richer when we embrace the whole of this being human.

🎶 saying it’s true, it’s not what it seems
leave your broken windows open
and in the light just streams
and you get a head, a head full of dreams
you can see the change you wanted
be what you want to be 🎶

  • Coldplay, “A Head Full of Dreams”

 

Remembering to Relax, Unwind and De-stress!

It can be easy to forget to relax – I know I often forget!  Yet we all know how bad for us pent up stress is.  I asked my Facebook community for their ideas on relaxation and de-stressing and got a fabulous mix of ideas from people from different backgrounds and ways of thinking. I think it’s fascinating!

Why not give something new a try today?

  • hot bath (especially with epsom salts)
  • nice chat to someone
  • walking in woods
  • being on the beach
  • gardening
  • meditation
  • ThetaHealing (a meditative healing technique)
  • listening to music
  • good times with friends
  • laughter
  • travelling (to change the scenery)
  • ditching the technology
  • mindfulness
  • loud music
  • walking
  • relaxation audios
  • dancing
  • being in nature
  • deep breathing
  • visualisation
  • full on belly laughs
  • listen to Deva Primal
  • crafts
  • pets
  • cake!
  • Emotional Freedom Technique
  • releasing any pent up energy about the stress
  • sitting connected to source in silence
  • being aware of the energy of the earth and heavens
  • sensory deprivation tank
  • yoga class
  • CD of dolphin and whale sounds
  • massage
  • putting together flat pack furniture (personally, I love it but I know it can have anything but a relaxing effect on many people!)
  • busting up pallets
  • giving reiki
  • doing what you love and what you’re good at

If you’d like to try meditation but think it might be too hard, I have easy meditations you can try here for free.

And if you have any more unique or unusual ways to relax and de-stress, I’d love to hear them!

Little Victories for Living Consciously

How much do you live consciously?  Are you aware of what thoughts, emotions and sensations become present as you experience life?  As you may well be aware, the more we can get conscious of our responses, the more control we have over them and the better we can make our lives.  When we see what’s going on, we can notice when things need changing or healing and take action to sort them out.  Likewise, it means we can notice little victories that show our consciousness is shifting for the better.  In this post, I’d like to share with you a little conscious victory I had.

As I posted about previously, I’ve been going deeply into my money story this year to improve my relationship with my finances.  In coaching and healing, you soon learn that nothing is as it seems. Our relationship with our finances is rarely just about money – it’s fascinating what else in our minds is tied up in our money story.

One of my hobbies that I’m just getting back into, is playing the bagpipes. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with them and it dawned on me that there were crucial insights and lessons related to money and my business.

When I was in primary school (elementary school), I started playing the bagpipes. I’ve had a bit of a love/hate relationship with the bagpipes since that time.  It was all unconscious so I had no idea what emotions were going on.  The biggest problem for me was that I’ve also been a chronic people pleaser for most of my life and the bagpipes are very much an instrument that divides opinion.  Some people absolutely love them and some people absolutely hate them.  As a people pleaser, the latter used to be really hard for me, so I would minimise my impact as much as possible to avoid upsetting people.  It didn’t feel safe to have others’ disapproval even though I would get a lot of admiration too.

Now, how this links with my money story is that I used to earn quite a bit of money from playing the bagpipes in Southern England.  Bagpipers are rare in the South and people who want a bagpiper for a wedding or New Year’s Eve will pay quite a lot of money.  I also used to get days off school playing on the QE2 cruise ship before it set sail from Southampton and would get some money for doing that, too.

So, that was the background to the unconscious “stuff” going on.  Back to my little victory.  I offered to play the bagpipes at the special needs school I’m working at.  I took them in having done little practice (so knowing they wouldn’t sound as good as I can make them) and played in a music lesson.  Special needs kids don’t do people pleasing – they will give you the reaction straight!  Most of the young people in the class enjoyed or became interested in the bagpipes, but one balled her eyes out!  This was the victory.  For the first time, I really felt it was OK that she didn’t like it.  I didn’t feel guilty that I’d upset her like I would have done before.  It might seem like a small shift and an obvious point for many, but for me it’s the fruit of many years of hard work to change my responses to situations in empowering ways.

I think I just might go ahead and practise more so I can offer my services for weddings and New Year. 🙂

Are you a people-pleaser?  Have you had any consciousness shifting victories lately?  How have you managed to make the shifts?  I’d love to hear!

Inner Peace from Emotional Honesty

2 weeks ago I signed up to an online course in tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique or Meridian Psychotherapy) for financial success and personal fulfilment.  I’ve known about tapping for a couple of years but for some reason it’s really resonating with me now.  I’m feeling so much inner peace after I do the tapping exercises and I feel much calmer inside.  It’s also taught me that despite all the inner work I’ve done to raise my vibration, modern life really is stressful and we need to take time to have a daily stress detox.

If you’re not familiar with tapping, it’s basically a fusion of Eastern Medicine and Western Psychology.  You gently tap on certain acupuncture points on the body which represent each of the meridians where the “chi” or “ki” universal energy flows through.  Plus while tapping on these points, you say out loud the thoughts that are bothering you and express the emotions coming up underneath those thoughts.  Here’s a link to The Tapping Solution website where you can find out more.

I love how the tapping process encourages us to be honest about where we are and how we feel as we tap on those acupuncture points.  I’ve always found the truth to hold a lot of power.  Blocking the truth for any reason causes an enormous amount of internal stress and takes our energy systems out of harmony.  But expressing the truth, no matter how awful it may seem at first, allows energy to flow naturally – particularly when we are emotionally honest with ourselves.  Expressing our truth is incredibly healing and the great thing about using tapping as you express the truth is that the gentle tapping is sending calming signals to the brain as well as encouraging the “chi” or “ki” to flow through the body better.  Thoughts and emotions are also made of universal energy, so they need to be restored to natural flow too.  Once we get back to the natural flow, that seemingly awful truth loses its power and we can relax into life more.

Getting in touch with our emotions is a difficult process because as a society, we don’t know what to do with them.  They’re generally seen as “bad” or “good” and it’s a criticism to be “emotional”.  But at the same time many people have an awareness that Emotional Intelligence is a great skill to have.  Emotional Intelligence basically means being conscious of emotions and bringing them into awareness so that appropriate action can be taken.  I’m a highly emotional person and feel others’ emotions too, so for years I struggled with overwhelm from emotions and the energetic charges they hold.  Energy healing practices have helped a lot and so has journalling (where I write out my thoughts and feelings with complete honesty.)  But over time, I just kept getting overwhelmed by other’s “stuff” during the day.  Tapping doesn’t eliminate this – it’s part of modern life.  But it’s proving to be a powerful tool for letting go of that accumulated “stuff” quickly and effectively so I can get back to the real me.

And life is giving plenty of opportunities to see for myself how emotional honesty promotes better connections.  Privately and professionally, emotionally honest conversations have brought about a much deeper level of connection with others.  At the moment, I’m working in a special needs school a few days a week and am really seeing how giving emotions space to be expressed can help so much with connection, cooperation and give students more space for learning.  When our brains aren’t overwhelmed with trying to deal with emotions,  they can relax into learning, creativity and inspiration – much higher cognitive abilities.

Meditation, mindfulness, journalling, inner child work along with tapping are all ways that we can be more emotionally honest in productive, peace-producing ways.  I do wonder whether we could prevent so many tragedies in this world if we taught everyone how to manage and handle emotions in ways that promote connection, authenticity and harmony.