Thoughts, Emotions and Healing The Heart

“The thorn is always in your heart; it’s just not activated until something touches it.  You feel the reaction as a hollowness or a dropping sensation in your heart.  If feels very uncomfortable…Stored energy from the past releases from the heart and generates thoughts.”

Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

Many mindset books would have us believe that thoughts create feelings.  But from what I’ve found, feelings have a life of their own independent of thought.  Our minds can latch onto emotions and twist their helping, healing powers into all kinds of stories.  To change the thoughts and carry on with how we are is to ignore a valuable opportunity for healing the heart.  

When discomfort comes up, it means we’re feeling safe enough to release that old, trapped part of ourselves.  By being able to sit with it and not think it away or energy heal it away, we can bring back a lost piece of ourselves and gradually return to our true, authentic power.  As the heart’s blocks get cleared, a pathway opens up for more of the soul.  

The more of the soul that can flow into our lives, the more we can bring heaven to earth – not just for ourselves, but for everyone.

So cherish those moments of discomfort and pain, they are vital healing messages from the soul through the heart.  Holding them and giving them space allows the light of your soul to shine through them. <3 

The Power of the Heart

There have been some powerful energies and shifts going on this year, haven’t there?  I’ve been riding them and clearing out the old to welcome in the new.  My latest shifts have come from reading “The Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer.  What a POWERFUL and insightful book that is.  I’m only halfway through and already it’s changing my whole energy and outlook and it’s even helped me understand what I actually do with my clients!  I can’t recommend the book enough.

Now it may sound obvious that I should really know what I’m doing with clients – sure I’ve been trained in ThetaHealing, Esoteric Healing and oracle card reading, but what I REALLY do with clients goes beyond what I’ve been taught on those courses.  You see, I feel powerful energy moving while I work with a client and I intuitively know that I need to witness it moving and help it flow on by.  All of the tools I’ve learned are all ways to help this energy shift to happen.  Then clients feel a lot better and lighter afterwards.  And if I don’t feel the shift during a session, more than likely they will experience some kind of emotion that lasts for a day or so and then leaves.  Thanks to Michael Singer’s wisdom, I now understand what is happening and I can share it with you.

Every time we don’t feel an emotion fully and let it flow, it gets stuck in our energy system and causes a block.  Over time, these blocks build up until we get to a place of being numb to our emotions – our heart puts walls up.  In childhood, we’re taught that certain emotions like anger or sadness, aren’t acceptable and we’re encouraged to hide them.  That’s when our training begins.  And then when we enter the education system, we’re taught that the intellect is more important than the heart.  We have to hide and stuff down everything we’re feeling so we can focus on Maths and English and all the other academic, “important” subjects.

The trouble is, that’s not our natural state and you can’t shut your heart to some emotions and expect to feel full joy or happiness.  You need full anger and sadness to experience full joy and happiness.  And life has a way of throwing curveballs at us in an attempt to smash through those blocks to the heart.  Breakdowns, bereavement, illness, abusive relationships, highly imbalanced political leaders – things like these can be life’s attempts at reopening our closed hearts.

It can be so easy to blame outside situations, but in reality, the most empowering and freeing thing we can do is to go into our own hearts and let them release old, stuck emotions.  And that’s where someone like me comes in – by having tools to help the emotions flow in a safe space, we can gradually unlock the heart to its full potential so we can experience the fullness of what life have to offer.  Richer relationships, more fulfilling jobs, more of the good feeling emotions and all of this regardless of what’s happening in the outer world.  And ironically, we can think more clearly, creatively and intuitively when we’re allowing emotions to flow fully.  The head works better when the heart is fully engaged.

How is your heart doing?  How open do you let it get?  What would life be like if you let it open to full capacity?  I’ll leave you to give these questions a ponder. <3

Narcissism, Psychopathy, Chakras and Astrology – phew!

Here’s an interview I did with astrologer, numerologist and reiki healer Walter Boyd of Rainbow Path to Wholeness .  Walter had started a fascinating thread on Facebook about his observations of what was going on in the chakras of psychopaths he saw in a TV documentary.  So I wanted to explore that more with him.

The discussion evolved into one about astrology and I have to say that I feel like I understand the benefits of astrology so much more thanks to Walter’s clear explanation.  His deep knowledge of the subject shines through.

Surprisingly, this was Walter’s first video and he was nervous about doing it.  You wouldn’t know from watching it!  But since I used to be a GCSE Japanese teacher,  I had to calm down stressed out teenagers when they were doing their speaking exams, so I’m quite used to recording nervous people and getting the best out of them!  Who knew doing Japanese speaking exams would give such valuable experience later!!

This is a fairly long video (35mins) so grab a cuppa, relax and enjoy it!  🙂

Do  you know your soul? 

Do you know anger?

Do you know sadness?

Do you know fear? 

Do you know your fears? 

Do you know your hopes?

Do you know joy?

Do you know peace?

Do you know shame?

Do you know rage?

Do you know hurt?

Do you know heartbreak?

Do you know grief?

Do you know your heart’s deepest desires?

Do you know what makes your heart sing? 

Do you know how your soul speaks? 

Do you know the truth of who you are?

8 Ways to Set Boundaries To Protect Yourself From Manipulative People

In my last blog post, I posted 8 signs you’re being manipulated and said that I would write a post on how to set stronger boundaries.  Here are 8 ways to do that and suggestions on ways to help you do them.

  1. Trust, trust, trust your intuition and your heart over your head.  Trust your gut feelings and knowing.  They’re always right.  I have a meditation to help you practice connecting with your heart here .  The more you connect with your heart and soul, the more you can connect with your intuition and listen to your gut feelings.
  2. Get to know your own emotions so that you recognise which are yours and which belong to someone else.  If you’re sensitive, you’ll pick up on other people’s emotions.  Your emotions (particularly the ones from your heart and soul) have a very different feel from other people’s.  Insecure people may put up a front of being confident and in control, but they project their own feelings of insecurity onto you to manipulate your feelings and hide their own insecurities.  Foreign emotions in your body and energy can’t flow and you can never get to the true message they are trying to convey.  Healthy anger alerts you to when someone is violating your boundary and is telling you to take action to protect yourself.  (Anger in its healthy, flowing form is assertiveness.  Unhealthy anger is uncomfortable and often uncontrollable.)  Karla McLaren has fantastic explanations of each of the emotions and here is her fantastic explanation of anger.
  3. Notice when guilt arises and disengage from the conversation.  Guilt is a social weapon of choice against, caring, sensitive, empathic types like you and me.  You start feeling guilty because of their problems when there is very little you can do to solve anyone’s problems, let alone theirs.  Sharing problems in a safe space with people who allow each other to be vulnerable safely is entirely different from one-sided sharing of problems that cuts off vulnerability and authenticity.  The latter kind of problem sharing will inevitably make you feel guilty, never good enough and like you’re the cause of the person’s problem.  Someone who shuns responsibility for their problems and instead blames others for them cannot be helped until they take ownership of their own problems.  If you notice the guilt arising, politely remove yourself from the conversation.  Do step 5 to make sure their energy is gone from your system.
  4. Beware of “poor me” games.  Often you will notice guilt arising too but it’s useful to spot the onset of the “poor me” game before you notice guilt.  In the Celestine Prophecy, we’re introduced to the idea of control dramas, which are ways of controlling other people to get energy flowing to us.  The antidote, according to the book, is to have such a strong connection to source energy that you can bring the underlying control into the light of awareness and the drama stops.  With a regular person, this may be the case, but with a particularly manipulative or controlling person like a narcissist, you’re not dealing with the same constitution and this just won’t work unless you are at Jesus/Buddha/enlightened master level of consciousness.  The “Poor me” drama (and the other control drama patterns of aloof, intimidator and interrogator) is used simply to manipulate you into giving your time, attention and energy to their needs.   They are taking advantage of your caring nature for their own ends and don’t care about you.  That can sound harsh, but these are people who simply function differently from the other 99% or so of the population.  Once you notice a “poor me” game in progress, keep your energy inside your energy boundary and politely withdraw from the conversation.   Do step number 5 to make sure there’s no energy residue.
  5. Break the energetic connection between you.  You can visualise removing their energy from your body and aura and turning it into an object or shape, and then image giving that object or shape to the guardian angel of the manipulator.  There is no need for you to heal this energy yourself and it’s not your responsibility.  Another way to break the energy is to visualise Archangel Michael being with you and asking him to use his sword to cut the energy.  Then witness as he powerfully and safely brings his sword down to sever the energy cords.
  6. Value YOUR needs.  Get in touch with what it is that you need and do whatever you need to to get your needs met.  This makes your energy far stronger and more resilient to any challenges in life.  If you’re not used to listening to your needs, go gently and practice tuning into what you need moment by moment.  Maybe you need more fun, creative time, maybe you need better nutrition, maybe you need to journal to connect with your feelings.  Only you can know what you truly need. <3
  7. Limit your time with manipulative people as much as you can.  Some people cannot be changed and it’s best to withdraw and limit time around them.  You can send them love from afar but unless you’re a spiritual master, you’re unlikely to be able to stay centred and balanced around them.
  8. Cleanse yourself with your preferred method of energy clearing.  Examples of this are: salt baths, pure incense, crystals for energy clearing (such as clear quartz that you’ve programmed, citrine, amethyst or any crystal that you intuitively sense will help you), high frequency tuning forks such as those by Suara Sound, reiki or some other form of energy healing.  Keep your vibration high and you’ll be more strongly connected to your true self.  And who you truly are can never be manipulated by anyone <3

These are just 8 suggestions.  If you have any more tips and suggestions, do add them in the comments below.  The more resources we have to share on dealing with manipulation, the more we can limit its power over us.  The patterns of fear, control and manipulation that keep us small are gradually dissolving away and the more we can set strong boundaries and walk away, the more these patterns can be left firmly in humanity’s past.

With love 

Jacqui xxx

By the way, if the manipulative person is one of your parents, my healing from toxic parents programme is for you.  It’s designed for those who had a toxic parent such as a narcissist and who are more spiritually minded.  It will help you release yourself through deep forgiveness and give your inner child what s/he has always needed.

Details are here: Spiritual Healing From Toxic Parents Programme

 

8 Signs You’re Being Manipulated

One of our most ugly ways of communicating with each other is through manipulation.  Instead of owning our vulnerabilities and coming from the heart, we go into our heads and try to make others feel bad for our own insecurities.  Now I have to hold my hand up and say I’ve used this on others and am in the learning process of eliminating it from my communication.  But there’s a big difference between using controlling communication from time to time and doing it all the time.  All of us can get fearful and lapse into trying to control but often we’ll notice it, stop ourselves and make changes.  But for some people, it’s become such a deeply ingrained habit that this is the only way they know how to communicate.  It can also be a form of abuse.

Here are some of the signs of being manipulated:

  1. You feel like you have to walk on eggshells
  2. You feel you have to choose your words very carefully to avoid upset
  3. You may feel pain or uncomfortable emotion in your body
  4. You feel a need to justify your actions
  5. You feel guilty
  6. You’re criticised for doing things you like to do
  7. You’re made to feel like you’re responsible for someone else’s pain
  8. You’re lied to

If you recognise any of these signs in someone around you now, it’s a good idea to create stronger boundaries and increase your protection.  If this is how you are being treated daily by anybody, I want you to know that this is absolutely NOT OK and you deserve much, much better.  You deserve to be treated with love, respect, honesty and openness.

I created a blog post on boundaries and protection here.

There is a chance that the person manipulating you is a narcissist.  You can see details of my programme for healing after narcissistic abuse here and just reading this may help you understand your situation better and realise some changes you can make.

Wishing you all the love and kindness you truly deserve.

Jacqui xxx

10 Tips to Heal After Narcissism

To fully regain your power and confidence after the shattering effects of narcissism, I believe you need a holistic approach – mind, body, emotions and spirit working in harmony with each other.   When each of these pieces of your earthly self is supporting the others, you open up space for your heart and soul to infuse your life with love and you can stand in your unique truth.  Ultimately, after all of the lies and distortions of the narcissist, you need to stand in your truth to heal and take your power back.

The Lie of “not good enough”

The chances are that if a narcissist came into your life, you’re a caring, empathic soul who believes a better, fairer world is possible and wants to help people with your knowledge, experience and skills.  Quite probably you lacked confidence and put others’ needs before your own and if you were raised by a narcissist, you probably learned to put your narcissist parent’s needs before your own and regularly feel guilty if you don’t.  During the healing process, it’s vital to look after yourself so that you have the energy and presence to dive deep to heal the wounds of “never good enough” and “my needs don’t matter”.  You are more than good enough and your needs matter and when you truly believe that, you can contribute even more.

So here are 10 tips for taking care of yourself along your healing journey to wholeness:

  1. Remember that Life Loves You.  This is one of Louise Hay’s most famous affirmations and the title of a beautiful book she co-wrote with Dr. Robert Holden.  The “you” that is being loved by life is not your ego or self image, it’s your soul and true self.  Your ego and self image most certainly did not want to experience the devastating effects of a narcissist, but on a soul level you know that you have learned so many valuable lessons that have helped you evolve and grow and break out of the ego’s hold over your life.  Relationships can smash our hearts open like nothing else so that we move out of our heads and into our hearts.  
  2. Cut the energetic ties to the narcissist.  Even when the narcissist is physically distant from you, if they have energy ties to you, they will still be siphoning off your energy leaving you depleted and confused.  When you think about what they did, this will reactivate the wounds and keep the flow of energy to them.  So visualise any hooks, threads or ties being cut and severed.  You may need to consult an energy healer to help with this.
  3. Learn to connect with your heart and gradually let go of your head’s dominance.  In school you were taught to obey rules and not question authority.  You were also taught by example every day that head-based activities have value and heart/right brain activities are frivolous.  That may be true for getting into college or university but it’s most definitely not true for living a fulfilling life and healing from the shattering effects of narcissism.  I have a meditation here to help you do this and it’s the first stage of my programme for healing from Narcissism.
  4. Make self care your top priority.  Get in touch with your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs.  Give yourself some quiet space to ask within what those needs are and promise yourself that you will commit to meeting as many as you can.  The more you meet your own needs, the more you teach your mind, emotions, body and spirit that you are true to your word.  And the more you are true to your own word, the more trust you can build in your life.
  5. Make time to rest when you need to.  You’ve been using enormous amounts of energy in your relationship. Your healing journey requires deep work and it’s important to take time to rest and rejuvenate.
  6. Get to know your emotions and what messages they are communicating to you.  In their healthy state, they are just messages to alert you to things you haven’t noticed and help you flow with what’s happening in life.  Old, stuck emotions can affect the natural flow of emotions because we were never taught how to listen to and act on our emotions.  Here are a few examples of emotions in their healthy, flowing states:
    • Healthy anger alerts us the fact that someone else is violating our boundaries and we need to take some action (it needn’t be fiery and strong – it can simply be an assertive “no”).
    • Healthy sadness helps us let go of what’s not serving us anymore.  Tears help us release physically and energetically.
    • Healthy shame alerts us to reflect on our actions because they could be violating someone else’s boundaries.
    • Healthy fear helps us focus on our surroundings and bring our attention to the present moment.
  7. Find a greater meaning for your experience that you can use to contribute to people’s lives.  Humans are meant to help each other and when you can find a higher purpose for your experiences where you inspire and help others, you can handle anything and heal yourself.
  8. Learn about the power of your unconscious beliefs (particularly ones around your worthiness and enoughness) and find ways to change them so they help you live more happily and confidently.  Beliefs influence how you feel about yourself and the moment to moment decisions that you make each day.  ThetaHealing is the main method I use because it gets to very deep-seated beliefs beyond those created in your own lifetime.  Our beliefs are not only influenced by our childhood, but also by our ancestors and the collective unconscious.  Gradually reprogramming your mind with less limiting beliefs like “I’m not enough” and more empowering beliefs like “I’m enough” and “I’m worthy” helps you raise your vibration and make more empowering decisions moment by moment.  It’s these moment by moment decisions that create your whole life experience.
  9. Be truthful with yourself.  Even the ugliest, most painful truth is a firmer foundation than forced positive thinking.  Your body feels the truth and responds to it, so to rebuild the inner trust, you need to be truthful.  Once you’ve been truthful, you can start to look for positives and solutions.  But your solutions and positives will have more impact if they come from the truth first.
  10. Learn to forgive.  No doubt the toughest of all the tips here but the most transformational.  And yet this is what will truly set you free.  True forgiveness happens in the heart and takes time, but it’s the key to shifting from being a victim to taking back your power.  Forgiveness takes you from your head and opens your heart.  

These are my tips from what’s helped my clients and me to get to feeling true, free and empowered after experiencing the shame, self-doubt and fear left from narcissistic and controlling relationships.

If you feel called, I would love to walk with you on your healing journey.  I have created a programme to help you heal and stand in your heart’s truth and power.  My clients who’ve experienced it have called it life changing and transformational.  You can find details of my healing programme here.

May you know your true worth and be guided by your heart.

Jacqui xxx

Why I’m Glad I Met a Narcissist

There’s a lot of talk in the news about Narcissism.  Psychologists and psychiatrists are breaking their usual code of not diagnosing people in the public eye without formal assessment and giving their professional opinion that Donald Trump is a narcissist.  And I think he is serving a higher purpose for us.  What he’s doing is not pretty and it’s sure to be a rocky ride but I’m confident that we’ll come out wiser, stronger and more united than ever – as long as we can hold on during the bumpy ride.

My own experience with a narcissist was bumpy to say the least.  For years, the shame of having my mind broken by the narcissist’s games was a dark secret I kept hidden.  I (naively) thought I was the only one who’d ever fallen into those kinds of games and that no-one would ever believe what happened to me if I told them.   To be honest, for years I deeply resented the experience and felt bitter about it.  At the time it happened, a bigger, truer part of me knew that something higher was happening, but my ego wasn’t happy.  After years of learning and practising healing, studying anything and everything to do with the mind, reflecting, journalling to make sense of it, I finally found the missing piece to my peace.  And it was in owning the whole truth of my experience.  In other words, it was in being true to myself.

Born with a Soul Vision

I believe we’re born with a blueprint for our lives and that every life has a soul vision and purpose.  I believe that on a deep, soul level we agree to certain things happening in our lives so that we can learn what love truly is.  I’d like to believe that people who are narcissists and sociopaths have deep soul commitments to play their roles so that others they encounter can learn.  Life is one huge classroom and it’s only by looking back and putting the pieces together that we can see the lessons.  The rest of the time, it’s a matter of trusting that things are always working out for our highest good despite outward appearances.

Getting to Gratitude

What helped me frame my experience positively was opening up to the ideas of life after death and of the soul reincarnating.  I have to admit that the idea of reincarnation did freak me out for a while until I got used to it!   The first past life I experienced in meditation was awful (I was an abused wife in Japan who may have stabbed her abusive husband) but it taught me to go beyond my heavily academic, analytical mind to the deeper layers of the unconscious mind where all the juice happens.

Seeing life as a journey for the soul’s evolution helps to bring equality and meaning to the ups and downs of life.  Equality because we all have the potential to experience any life conditions to help us learn and grow, and meaning because when we can find the love in any situation (and it may well be hidden deep), we have everything and that’s the ultimate healer.

So I’m glad I met a narcissist because if my mind hadn’t been smashed wide open, I would have remained ignorant of these cool perspectives and life would be all the more poor today.  I wouldn’t have the richness of knowing my emotions and the depths of the unconscious mind.  I wouldn’t be able to balance and clear energy.  I wouldn’t be listening to my soul’s call.  I’d be disconnected from my physical body and from my spiritual self.  I’d be living in my head, cut off from the richness of experiencing my whole being.  The chances are that I’d still be searching outside for something to fill the inner lack.

I would love for you to feel more meaning and purpose in all the events of your life too.  Learning is a human superpower and it can transform pain into love and gratitude.

If you’ve experienced narcissism and would like to find more peace through learning too, I’ve developed a programme to help you.  It’s called “Pieces to Peace” and if you click here you’ll get the details.  If it speaks to your heart, do get in touch with me and we can arrange a discovery tool.  My experience happened so I could help you and your experience happened so you could help others too. 

Wishing you truth, love and peace

Jacqui xxx

 

The Hokey Cokey and ThetaHealing?

A few years ago I saw a sign that said “What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it’s all about?” and didn’t buy it.  I could’ve kicked myself for not grabbing it then.  Then yesterday I was shopping in Lyndhurst and found one.  So this time I nabbed it!

Hokey Cokey

At the end of my last ThetaHealing training, we all did the Hokey Cokey together.  My Inner Child just loves the “Oooooooh, the Hokey Cokey” hand-holding-and-running-into-the-middle bit.

But as many a true word is said in jest, I really do think there’s a valuable message in the song. It’s the idea of putting your whole self in.  ThetaHealing is most definitely a great tool for helping us do that.  From childhood our minds get filled with other people’s ideas of how we should live and with society’s rules about what is and isn’t acceptable.  These form unconscious beliefs that stop us being our whole selves – I’m not good enough, I’m not loveable, there’s something wrong with me – all of these beliefs hold us back from being our whole selves.  By learning ThetaHealing, you learn a tool to dive deep and clear away those limiting beliefs and gradually let our whole selves out.

Inspiring quote from Oprah’s Bold Moves Game

Later after I got home from my shopping trip yesterday, I stayed up late all the while thinking “I really should go to sleep”.  But I had an inner nudge to play an iPhone game I’ve been playing quite a lot recently  – Oprah’s Bold Moves.  (It’s basically Candy Crush with prettier scenes and inspiring quotes!)  I had been stuck on a difficult level for days but last night I completed it and finally unlocked the quote.  As synchronicty would have it, it was about gradually putting your whole self in!!  I’ve included it here as evidence!

Altogether now: “Your put your whole self in, your whole self out, in, out, in, out and shake it all about.  You do the Hokey Cokey and you turn around.  That’s what it’s all about!”

I do love it when synchronicity enhances a message you’re playing with!

If you’d like to know more about how ThetaHealing can help you Hokey Cokey up your life, I’ve got more information for you here.  My next course is planned  for the last weekend in February or you can check out the ThetaHealing homepage to find an instructor near you. (I can’t guarantee they’ll end with the Hokey Cokey!)

ThetaHealing Training

 

Gifts from Narcissism

What’s real and what’s not real?  

On the surface, it seems like an easy question.  At least, it’s an easy question when we’re talking about things you can physically experience with your senses.  But even then, fans of “The Matrix” will know that what we think we can see, touch, taste, hear and smell are all just electrical signals from our nerve cells to our brains.  OK, that’s a really complicated philosophical discussion and well beyond my thinking capabilities!  So for sake of simplicity, let’s just assume that things we can see, touch, taste, hear and smell are real.

But what about more abstract concepts?  How do we know what is real when it comes to more abstract ideas?  I had an encounter with a narcissist that forced me to question what was real and what wasn’t.  I’ll leave the details of the encounter for another time but people that are narcissists and/or sociopaths like to exploit your weaknesses, your insecurities and take you to the edge of sanity.  It’s about power and control.  Perhaps deep down they lack power and control themselves and look out for ways to get it by controlling others.  You might have heard of one mind game that they like to play: gaslighting.  They’ll do something and then swear to you they haven’t, leaving you to question your own sanity.  Being in a place of questioning your own sanity is not pretty at all.  It’s hell.

If I did explain to you now what happened with the narcissist, you’d think I was nuts.  To be honest, I don’t know which parts were my active imagination, which parts were me wanting to see certain things and which parts were things done by the narcissist to confuse and control me.  And I never will.  But I’ve made peace with that because it doesn’t matter what happened then.  What matters is what I do with what I learned and how I can use it to help others.

Is Love Real?

And how do we know love is real?  We can’t measure it or touch it.  But we know it’s nonsense to question whether it’s real.  Right before my encounter with the narcissist, I had felt an upsurge of love.  Colours were brighter, everything was more beautiful and I was glowing.  Many people asked me if I was in love with someone.  I wish then my little mind understood that love doesn’t have to be attached to another person and that is can rise up spontaneously for no reason other than the beauty of being alive.  A quiet voice inside me knew that then.

Perhaps the narcissist was a gift from beyond to clear out all that was blocking me from having more of that experience of being in love with life.  And is that perspective based on reality?  Who on Earth knows for sure?  But I get to choose my perspective and I get to choose what happens in my inner world.

And I choose a perspective that lets me feel more love.

If you’ve had an experience with a narcissist or sociopath, I would love to hear from you.  Whether you’ve already healed or are in the process of doing so, I’d love to hear your story for a book I’m about to write on this topic.  Contact me on jacquimcginn@yahoo.co.uk