Jacqui McGinn | Take Great Care of Your Inner Child with This

Take Great Care of Your Inner Child with This

Jacqui McGinn — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 20:25:52 +0000

my thoughts on this video

I stumbled on this video by the founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy, Marisa Peer.

In truth, I’m more into slow transformational therapy through writing and being present so I haven’t trained in her modality. There’s a place for the rapid work and it’s great to have an array of healing approaches to choose from.

I found this video so helpful that I wanted to share it with you. I don’t think this is rapid work, it’s about building habits over time to take care of your inner child’s needs. By taking care of your inner child’s needs, you can fill yourself up with love and have it overflow.

At the time of writing, it’s the period between the eclipses in April 2024 – a time when so many people are sharing how tough it is! Personally, I’ve messed up so much, I’ve had to go deep into reaching the shamed child inside and take excellent care of her. My inner critics and shamers have been super active!

Keeping these 7 needs in mind is helping a lot to tame the shame and get to the learning in the mess.

The 7 Needs we all have

Here are the 7 needs that Marisa outlines in the video:

safety – being safe to be yourself and to be vulnerable
being loved – knowing that you’re worthy and deserving of love
connection – having people to connect with
significance – knowing that you matter and have something to offer the world
being celebrated – building the praise muscle by celebrating what we’re doing well
being seen and heard – using our voice to lift up others and speak up
have someone proud – spotting what we’re proud of and praising ourselves for it

What she suggests is that we don’t leave these to other people to give us, but we give them to ourselves.

What do you think? Do these resonate?

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TEDx Application Video – Emotional Honesty is Crucial to Authenticity

Jacqui McGinn — Sun, 10 Mar 2024 19:09:34 +0000

Since I was a child, I’ve seen myself on stage. I wasn’t sure whether I’d dance or sing or act, but the vision has always been there.

Recently, I shared that dream as part of Sarah Kent’s Dreamworks project and saw that there was more to it. It’s easy to slip into self-criticism and think it’s just for attention, but it’s so much more.

In the vision, I saw my logo – the Kintsugi heart – in my chest as I stood on stage speaking. As I spoke, the gold of the repair flowed with my words, bringing healing inspiration to those listening. It melted defences between people and helped them feel more connected and less isolated on a deep level.

Shortly after that, I applied to TEDx. I wasn’t planning on applying until 2025, but the vision was so strong that I had to follow the thread. Whether I get selected or not doesn’t matter – it was just important to follow through. And I’ve heard it’s normal to need a few attempts at applying to TEDx before you get in.

So here’s the video I made. Can you feel the energetic intent behind it?

Transcript

Hello, I’m Jacqui.

I’m a Japanese and well-being teacher who can play the bagpipes.

I’m fascinated by all things language, mind, emotions, stories, all of those things that make us really human.

My idea, worth spreading is that emotional honesty is crucial to authenticity.

When I lived in Japan, I went through a series of personal challenges and it was easier to lose my mind and go to the edges of sanity than it was to feel the pain and suffering that was there inside.

But in the long run, that created way more problems.

It was like a wall around my heart, pushing people away.

But also I was more vulnerable to being manipulated.

And perhaps the worst was that I had a bit of a spiritual superiority complex, too.

And it was by being emotionally honest that I was able to undo all of that, open my heart and bring more of the real me into life and relationships.

And it’s when we stand in our power as who we really are, that’s when we can give our gifts, really connect and help each other to make this world a better place for future generations.

And in a world of increasing use of artificial intelligence, deep fake videos, and where people get polarised by lies and stories, it’s so important to come back to authenticity and be who we really are.

I look forward to hearing from you. Bye-bye.

The Hero’s Journey Alternative

Jacqui McGinn — Sat, 24 Feb 2024 18:38:16 +0000

Transcript

I’ve been sharing story wisdom from things that I’ve been learning,

and my latest learning is from this book, The Virgin’s Promise.

So The Hero’s Journey, you probably have heard of it.

If you’re into storytelling at all,

you will have heard of it if you’re into archetypes.

And that’s the more masculine energy, not male, but masculine energy story.

And that one’s more about physical power.

There’s a certain conquering outside energy to that one.

And this is the feminine.

If that’s the Yang, hero’s journey is the Yang,

then the virgin’s promise is the Yin, and it’s an internal journey.

This one is more about psychological independence and developing psychological power.

I was first introduced with a blog post a few months ago now,

and I read the blog post and it didn’t really resonate all that much.

But the idea kept staying with me.

And eventually, I got more into this, read different blogs about it, and thought, Oh, no, there’s something really interesting in this.

And then decided, it’s time to buy the book and explore it because I really love this idea of…

It’s about a feminine way to making a dream come true.

So stories like, “While You Were Sleeping”, “Shakespeare In Love”, these are Virgin’s Promise stories.

And there’s a sense of…

There’s a glimmer of a dream towards the start of the story, but it has to say secret.

And then by the end of the story, the transformation that’s happened is that that secret world is coming out.

And the lead, the protagonist, is becoming a more radiant, authentic version of who they are and allowing that dream, the feeling that they want to feel to come out into their life.

And so, yeah, as you can see, I’m nearly halfway through this one, and it’s just another fascinating angle on it – on telling our stories and seeing just all this wisdom from these stories that lives inside us, and that’s why they resonate.

So, yeah, I’m going to keep sharing more about the Virgin’s Promise as I study and write and see what comes up in my life as well.

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Why Is Safe Space So Important?

Jacqui McGinn — Sat, 16 Sep 2023 16:14:27 +0000

Trust is the foundation of all good relationships.

Trust is essential to guide people to new, expansive thoughts and ideas – and break them out of limiting ones.

Trust thrives in a space of truth telling – especially vulnerable truth.

But telling your most vulnerable truth can feel overwhelming. In a fast-paced world of cancel-culture, blaming and shaming, even the thought of sharing the most vulnerable, fragile part of you can cause you to shut down or want to run away. As for sharing that truth in a talk or book? Oof – that’s for the seriously courageous!

But it’s by sharing vulnerable truths that the most profound healing, connection and change can happen. In safe space, the overwhelm eases and you can speak vulnerably without fear of backlash or being taken advantage of. People around you feel safe to receive what you’re sharing. You feel safe to receive what others are sharing.

From that space, you can grow confidence in your message and role as a soul-led thought leader.

What is vulnerable truth?

For a long time, humans have seen vulnerability as weakness. But it actually takes enormous strength to share vulnerable truth and that strength gets rewarded. In sharing vulnerable truth, you reach others in tender places that they’ve kept hidden. It helps them know that they’re not alone in their struggles.

On mental wellbeing courses that I run, a large part of the learning experience is discussion. We set up group guidelines to make the space safe and that means participants can share the vulnerable truth of their mental health struggles. I often hear learners say with relief “it’s not just me!” It grows connection and trust and often the participants are keen to stay connected after the course. The sharing in safe space helps them feel connected, validated and seen.

Vulnerable truth is those deeply personal and emotionally charged thoughts, feeling and experiences that you’re hesitant to share in case someone judges, rejects or ridicules you for it. For example, it took many years before I could share my experience of a breakdown on my website. I was so worried about how anyone would react if they really knew the kind of thoughts I was having. Even though my whole motivation for starting healing business came from experiencing the darkness in my mind.

“Oh my God, I thought I was being controlled by the devil – what on earth will people think of me?” I worried. It took many repetitions of writing it and it took working with people I trusted to be able to publish it on my website. You can take a look here: “Meeting The Edges of Sanity” .

And yet, at the time of my breakdown, I shared my experiences with a good friend. I was always puzzled why she seemed to be more energised after I shared. Through my sharing she somehow felt more secure in her own heart. Our relationship grew stronger and stronger.

I felt a call to write a book but the intensity of the situation had done a lot of damage to my psyche. Inner critics and inner controllers grew in power and acted as gatekeepers to sharing the vulnerable truth more widely. The strong call to write a book and give talks on stage created inner conflict that I had to resolve one way or another. Business development programmes and writing programmes just made the inner critic and inner controller more powerful, putting up a firm block to my calling.

What can you gain from safe space?

When you can safely express vulnerable truth, there are lots advantages to many areas of your life. Here are a few:

Better mutual understanding that builds strong connection
Unburdening yourself of emotional weight you’ve been carrying
Personal growth and self-discovery through going out of your comfort zone
Stronger, more resilient relationships from deeper trust

In safe spaces with people I could trust deeply, my heart relaxed and these powerful parts of me could relax too. I could gradually approach the most vulnerable, hurting part of me – a 2 year old shocked at all the emotion and disappointment levelled at her. Not only a wound from this lifetime, but a wound that began in an ancestor’s lifetime that needed resolution. My little 2 year old self was frozen in time and space dealing with something well beyond her years.

The safe space my coaches Tara and Caroline created and the safe, sacred space I created around my writing meant I could finally give this hurting 2 year old what she needed – validation of her thoughts and feelings and a chance to feel them to completion. It was also an opportunity to go deeper and write the lesson in the wound. Why would a soul choose to overwhelm their 2 year old self and carry an ancestral wound? The answer is always a version of love. In my case – to learn to trust. Healing the 2 year old created a space for a trust so deep that it’s unshakeable.

I now understand that the root of my breakdown and all the darkness in it was that scared, overwhelmed 2 year old. The breakdown intensified her story and the damage. But it also made sure that I paid attention to the imbalance and kept going until I resolved it.

so how do you set up safe space?

Safe space doesn’t just happen.

It has to be intentional and it may need tweaks and practice over time. Here are some tips to think about:

Active Listening: Encourage active listening and non-judgmental communication within the space.
Confidentiality: Ensure that what is shared within the safe space remains confidential and is not used against anyone.
Establish Ground Rules For A Group: Set clear guidelines and expectations for behaviour and communication within the group safe space.
Validate the emotions someone sharing might be feeling e.g. “that sounds tough for you”, “I appreciate you sharing so courageously”
Work on building trust with all parts of yourself. The more you trust yourself, the more others feel safe to share around you

It’s also about doing the inner. work and creating safe space for yourself. My coaches were highly experienced and have done lots of inner work to hold safe space. But they also continue to work on themselves and keep learning.

It’s the reason why I keep doing the inner work too so I can hold a safe space too.

Safe spaces are vital to quality connections. They’re sanctuaries where you can shed your protective layers and reveal your authentic self. Your heart can open and your soul can shine. You can deepen empathy and mutual understanding and you can improve mental health, grow as a human and a soul, and at the same time create intimacy. By actively creating safe spaces in our lives, we can create a more compassionate and connected world where honesty, vulnerability, and truth open our hearts to the goodness of our authentic selves.

How Anger Cleared A Past Problem – Lessons from 2 Workshops

Jacqui McGinn — Thu, 17 Aug 2023 16:11:48 +0000

I had the idea for 2 workshops this summer: one about dating and one about alchemising anger. I didn’t realise they were connected.

You see, I had the idea to use all that I’d learned about feeling confident while you’re dating and waiting for “the one”. I’d taken courses and read books and in the end, I had a dating profile that did the work for me. It repelled the wrong people and attracted the right people (including my fiance Tony!). But more than that, it felt good and I could relax and focus on what was important to me.

The problem was, I began creating that course in 2015 while taking a course that was overpriced & underdelivered. It was full of pretty graphics and slick videos, but the content was weak and poorly taught. Plus none of the support promised was available. I left in anger and tried to get my money back. No such luck.

So when I went to create this dating workshop, the old anger came up. As I journalled with it, I realised that I’d been angry about the wrong thing. I wasn’t as angry about how bad the course was. I was angry about how the course had been sold in the first place.

I was at a “one day business BootCamp” (aka pitch fest!). I saw how many mind-control techniques had been used at the event. The biggest one was reciprocity. The message was that this entrepreneur had done us a huge favour by laying on this event, so my choice was to either feel discomfort at not buying her “bargain” offer or to avoid the discomfort and go with her hype around how wonderful this course was.

As I wrote, I could feel the anger and as I let it flow, I felt how my inexperience, vulnerability and “pain points” were exploited for profit. (Check out The Marketing Muckraking podcast for more on how prolific this type of marketing is).

If that had been a dating scenario, it would’ve been like someone taking me to a fancy restaurant and insisting on paying for most of the bill, then acting like they’d done me a huge favour. Then they’d guilt me into getting whatever they want from the relationship without ever asking me what I really need. The whole relationship would suffer from a power imbalance.

The anger was stuck but it was because I hadn’t recognised its true message for me. By offering the dating workshop, I finally let that knowledge out AND I could untangle myself from the power dynamic that entrepreneur set up.

Anger doesn’t need to roar and it certainly doesn’t need to be destructive or harmful. “No, that won’t work for me, I’m afraid” said with assertive conviction is anger too. You can let anger flow and still be respectful. At the event, it would’ve meant just going home and perhaps letting myself feel and process the confusing emotions.

When you know what to do with it, it helps you be more of yourself in a world trying to make you conform and profit off you.

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Marketing and Power – Raw Writing From 2020

Jacqui McGinn — Fri, 11 Aug 2023 21:16:02 +0000

This is a piece that came through on the morning of October 22nd 2020. It’s largely unedited with mistakes. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Have you experienced this manipulation?

How do you feel about it?

Feelings of disgust grew as I read the influence techniques. Social proof, scarcity, authority, association, reciprocity – if I give you a gift, you feel obligated to return the favour. Even as I write now, the sense of violation at how many advertisers and marketers had taken over my mind creates shame. Taking advantage of the confusion deep within me to tell me that they had THE solution to my problems. That they knew better what I needed. All those techniques – the heightened state, the happy enthusiasm, the making you say “yes” a lot so it would be hard to say “no” and you’d have to break rapport.

But as I read, I also saw the enormous progress I’d made in being able to say “no” even when it broke rapport and it wasn’t what was expected. In Covent Garden recently, I was offered a small piece of soap and invited into a shop to be pampered. The “I’m giving you a gift, so you owe me” was underlying the exchange (reciprocity). While my finger nailed was buffed to a shine (associating it with feeling good), this lady talked about how wonderful this nail buffer was, how there were these packs of manicure gel, of body lotion, of the nail buff. For today only (scarcity) I could get one pack free and not only that, but their usual price was £45 and I could have £10 off. Wowee!

Except that she’d picked a finger that was sore because I’d injured it and I looked at the super shine nail thinking “yuck – how long will it take for that to go?” But still, I had to break rapport, I had to make it uncomfortable by saying “no”. I chose the classic “I’ll think about it” but my honesty meant that before I left the shop, my real intention came out – I won’t be buying this because I don’t do anything with my nails. Telling the truth without breaking rapport was a relief.

These techniques get used all the time on us, taking us away from our unique paths. They might not be quite as full on as in this story, but even people who claim to be using more ethical selling methods can still be using these techniques on you and not making it clear that they are. The trouble with algorithms on social media is that when you start interacting with the people using these techniques, you get more of the same. Creating an unconscious picture of what it is that you need to do to sell – or at least to sell in that way. For me, it meant living and trying to create my business in a permanent state of confusion. It’s why a lot of us can HATE marketing because it brings to mind manipulating and not fully telling the truth to get people to buy. Ever since Freud’s nephew started manipulating the unconscious to sell more, humanity’s unconscious mind has been manipulated to serve profit makers.

One example of truly ethical, non-manipulative selling that made a big impression on me was Tad Hargrave’s Meantime programme. I read the sales page and clicked the “Buy Now” button to be taken to another “are you sure?” Page. A page with a video from him and text that got me to slow down and really tune into my own intuition about whether this was right for me or not. It wasn’t. Wow. The depth of integrity in that and the depth of respect for me as a potential customer was balm to my sales-weary soul And of course it meant that I was waiting for the perfect opportunity to work with him. I’d felt the power of truly ethical marketing. I had full permission to really listen to my needs and to say “no” from a place of power. This was someone I really wanted to learn from. When I did start working with him, it marked the beginning of truly turning my business around and feeling at peace with it. It might not quite be where I want it to be just yet, but I know it will be.

the bigger picture

My book is called Pieces to Peace and I kept seeing symbols of what Pieces to Peace was trying to show me in my mind’s eye. It was symbolic that I saw 2 balls of light, each made up of lots of pieces. One ball had some of the pieces dominating and taking over the pieces of the other ball. I intuitively knew that this was representing 2 people – one of them dominating the other. I knew that it was telling me we had to stop taking over by others’ minds and if we’re being taken over by others’ minds, to find the pieces inside us letting that happen. We have to be fully, uniquely ourselves and keep our power firmly centred inside our own hearts if we’ve ever going to co-create a truly peaceful world that works for everyone. A world where privilege dissolves and everyone is free to be uniquely themselves without fear of judgment, disapproval or even violence against them.

But it’s more than that. It’s more serious than that. Subtly taking over people is how real evil operates. Evil most definitely exists, but it can be managed and it’s not who we naturally are. It operates in the shadows getting good people to do awful things for it – and often to believe that they’re doing it for higher reasons. The most unspeakable acts are being carried out in the shadows right now – trafficking, abuse, corruption. All have an element of power gone wrong to them. Evil is about hunger for power over others by any means necessary and to inflict harm. Falling victim to authority and stepping back from responsibility are key ways that evil begins to take hold. There’s a fascinating and horrifying TED talk on the Psychology of Evil by Stanford University Professor Philip Zimbardo. In it, he outlines the subtle steps it takes for good people to do evil things. He set up the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment that had to be abandoned part way through.
The experiment was brought to an end by someone strong enough to call out the truth of what was happening – how the power imbalances in it were detrimental to the mental health of everyone involved. It was someone strong enough to go against the group-think and get those who’d set up the experiment to rethink. Someone who restored a balance of power.

Surely marketing and an experiment that touched on evil are miles apart? Surely it’s harmless to use influence techniques if you’re selling something that helps people? Well, there is genius in each psyche. There is unique genius in each person. Each person holds a vital piece that contributes to this bigger puzzle of peacefully living together and fixing all the destruction and manmade suffering on the earth.

According to the teachings of Alice Bailey, right relationship is the key to humanity becoming aware of the plan and for the shift in consciousness needed to see it.
And it makes sense. Persuasion and influence techniques come from a place of mistrusting each other. If I believe that I know better than you what you need in your life, I will try to overpower you into using my way, my methods, my techniques. And if I’m in a position of authority or power, the effects of me believing that I know better are even stronger. But that also means that I’m not listening to you. I’m not hearing your wisdom. I’m not hearing what’s uniquely coming through you. Especially when it comes to marginalised people who live radically different experiences of the world that aren’t yet fully honoured like those who are transgender or neurodivergent, (wheel of privilege). The excellent wheel of privilege shows clearly the types of people who don’t have a voice. Whose psyches are clogged up at the injustice of these imbalances of power.

Want to learn to alchemise anger and take your power back?

Join my writing workshop live on August 24th 2023 or as an online course afterwards.

We’ll explore the sacred purpose of anger and how you can use it to know and empower yourself.

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Announcing The Pieces to Peace Book & Programme 🎉

Jacqui McGinn — Mon, 12 Jun 2023 21:29:52 +0000

I’m delighted to announce that I’ve signed a publishing deal with the Unbound Press! It’s for a collaborative book called “Pieces to Peace”. You can read the announcement on the Unbound Press website here.

In this blog post, you’ll find out more about the vision and philosophy behind it and how you can be part of it.

About Pieces to Peace

Pieces to Peace as a name and essence has been with me since 2014. It dropped into my mind after a gorgeous evening talk that opened my heart and took me into the most beautiful, peaceful state of love. The phrase itself is simple but it’s complex because it has so many different meanings all at the same time – like a dream symbol.

To me, it carries 2 main ideas. The first one is the idea that we all get wounded by societal conditioning when we’re children. In trying to fit it, we lose and bury pieces of our true selves and that sets up inner conflict. As we find the buried and lost pieces of who we really are, peace is restored and we become our authentic selves.

The second idea is that every person is a vital piece of a bigger peace. Everyone has wounds and dreams and when they’re given the right conditions to heal those wounds and create those dreams, they become powerful tools that expose and diminish the collective darkness of the world.

This collaborative book project is about embodying and sharing these ideas for both writers and readers alike, fostering a collective movement towards peace and a ripple effect of positive change – all while taking excellent care of the little child within.

About the Writers This collaborative book is calling in

This is a year-long project involving the book creation and cultivating the right conditions for peace, inner child healing and dream creation for each of the co-writers. Together, we’re setting a new standard for truthful, connected communication in all relationships – both life and business. We’re delving into the depths of human connection in the collective unconscious – the realm of archetypes that are the patterns of life that all humans experience.

The writers who are a good fit for this journey have dreams of sharing their learning and wisdom more widely but feel too invisible and perhaps feel that they haven’t fully embodied their wisdom just yet. They have a tendency to overthink, create more work than they need to, dismiss their own needs, override their intuitive knowing, put others’ needs before their own and can be really hard on themselves.

In the past, they might have had their dreams exploited for others’ gain in business building or intimate relationships. Because of this, they can be guarded and wary of trusting in their dreams – keeping them hidden away. That also means that they can find groups a struggle because they’re sensitive and can feel when people aren’t being truthful, which is confusing and frustrating for them.

The good news is that all of these “problems” are symptoms of a deeper unfolding archetypal story of transformation. The Virgin’s Promise (the female counterpart to the Hero’s Journey) is a fabulous archetypal story of transforming into your authentic self and following your dreams. The Virgin is also the magical child archetype.

The Virgin’s Promise Story

To give a real life example, Tina Turner’s story is a Virgin’s Promise story of becoming her most creative and spiritual authentic self, where her joy and natural gifts lit up lives around her. She was exploited and harmed, but her spiritual practice gave her the strength to leave and shine as her true self. In fiction, “Mrs Harris Goes To Paris” is a film that beautifully illustrates the power of following your dreams all the way. Again, lives around Mrs Harris change and even a huge business is made better as she believes in her dreams, stops letting herself be looked down on and gets others to share their dreams and truth.

About the programme

Over the course of the year, we’ll explore this archetypal story together and each writer will share a piece of their story in the book along with their expertise on creating more peace for readers to create more peace in their lives. There will also be journaling and discussion prompts related to their story so our readers can explore the ideas for themselves deeper.

What the writers will experience by being part of Pieces to Peace is a mix of collaborative learning, networking, deep self-discovery and safe space to feel into their authentic selves and keep their wounded inner child and dreams safe. And of course, a professionally published book to share their message.

The programme also includes:

online learning resources on The Virgin’s Promise story as well as the inner critic and inner child with plenty of fun activities to play with and explore
unique online meeting, networking, learning and cowriting spaces designed for this project (including a drop-in coworking space you can use at any time)
live group discussion sessions to help deepen the learning, open to curiosity and spark new realisations
plenty of ways to network and socialise so that the writers can get to know each other at their own pace
live sessions to explore book ideas and write their piece for the book
live sessions to plan together how to share the book with those who will most benefit from it
a choice of how many 1:1 sessions they’d like (Jacqui can gently take them safely to parts of their psyches they might have been too afraid to face before now, and show them that there is nothing inside of them to fear)

By the end of the year, they will have a published book, strong connections, deeper confidence in their unfolding story, more trust in their dreams and intuition and will be able to see the progress they’ve made in learning about The Virgin’s Promise.

I really want this to be a powerful opportunity to raise the profile of each writer’s dream business and communicate with more of the people they’re here to help.

We’re all a vital piece of a bigger peace.

Together we can share the message far further than we ever can alone.

Find out more & be a part of the project

Read (or scan!) the detailed brochure about the project.

This may well change as we all tune in to our intuition together, but it’s a starting point.

Click the green button and open the Google doc.

Watch the card reading about the ideal people for this project. You’ll also get to feel the energy of it.

7 Advantages of Healing Your Inner Child

Jacqui McGinn — Mon, 29 May 2023 17:05:52 +0000

“Wear waterproof mascara” the sign in our school said. I was working at a special right brain education school in Yokohama, Japan. Every now there were workshops for the parents that we had to go too. I didn’t take the sign seriously and didn’t really believe my boss.

The day of the inner child workshop came. It started off usual enough with introductions and activities. That was until we had to lie down and do a visualisation to meet our inner child.

We relaxed and got taken to a beautiful beach where our inner child came into view. The next guidance was to hug the inner child. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I hugged this tiny version of me. A version I hadn’t connected with ever before. In an instant, I understood the sign. I had no idea I could be this emotional. I had no idea that this part of me was so lonely and neglected and that she needed that hug from the adult me.

I was struck by how powerful the experience was. A few years before, I’d read “the Celestine Prophecy” and the idea of being mindful of how you communicate with children struck a chord in me. I became fascinated by the idea of the inner child.

In November 2008, I was on a psychic development course at the foot of Mt Fuji. At the end of the course, we had to stand up and make a wish. I wished to understand inner child healing. Our teacher – Craig Junjulas, grounded our wishes by tuning in psychically to us. He saw an angel carrying a child pass through me.

I soon learned that you have to be careful what you wish for! 18 months later, I was living back at my childhood home, studying Child Psychology and working in nurseries. It was intense!! My first day working in the UK after moving back was at a profit-oriented nursery. The way the staff spoke to the children broke my heart but I felt powerless to say anything. I instinctively knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t articulate what was so wrong about it. It was frustrating to feel I couldn’t do anything about what I knew was so wrong.

Eventually, I worked at a city council-run nursery where they got it. The way they spoke to the children was so different, and it has a balance of male and female nursery staff, plus young kids with special needs too that got included in the group activities, The staff were firm when they needed to be, but you never heard raised voices. At last my own inner child found somewhere she felt safe. I wasn’t earning much, but I’d have days where I’d think “I’m actually getting paid to do this! How awesome is that?” Especially the day we created a pretend ice cream shop. The shop wasn’t real, but the ice creams were!

That’s the feeling I’ve been chasing. Those moments of “Pinch me – It’s too good to be true! This is how I make money?!”. It’s a subtle, quiet joy.

It’s the subtle, understated joy of living from your authentic self.

And I believe that helping the inner child feel safe to play, explore and imagine is the best way to come back to the joy of being your true self.

Below is what ChatGPT gave me when I asked it for the advantages of healing the inner child. I was pretty impressed!

See what you think…

“Healing your inner child can bring numerous advantages and benefits to your overall well-being. Here are some key advantages:

Emotional Healing: Your inner child represents the experiences, emotions, and needs that were unmet or neglected during your childhood. By addressing and healing these wounds, you can release emotional baggage and achieve a greater sense of emotional well-being.
Self-Awareness and Understanding: Connecting with your inner child allows you to gain insights into your core beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that may have originated from childhood experiences. This self-awareness helps you understand yourself better and make conscious choices in your present life.
Self-Compassion and Self-Love: Healing your inner child involves developing a compassionate and nurturing relationship with yourself. You learn to treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and love, which can enhance your self-esteem and overall self-worth.
Improved Relationships: As you heal your inner child, you become more aware of how your past wounds may have affected your relationships. By resolving these issues, you can establish healthier boundaries, communicate more effectively, and foster more fulfilling connections with others.
Emotional Resilience: Healing your inner child equips you with the tools to manage and navigate difficult emotions. You develop resilience and emotional strength, enabling you to cope with life’s challenges in a healthier and more balanced way.
Personal Growth and Empowerment: By healing your inner child, you break free from limiting beliefs and negative patterns that have held you back. This process allows for personal growth, self-empowerment, and the opportunity to create a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Increased Joy and Playfulness: Reconnecting with your inner child can bring back a sense of joy, wonder, and playfulness into your life. You become more open to experiencing the present moment fully and engaging in activities that bring you happiness and fulfillment.

It’s important to note that healing your inner child is a deeply personal and ongoing process. If you feel that your past experiences are impacting your present well-being, consider seeking support from a mental health professional or engaging in therapeutic practices specifically aimed at inner child healing.”

Not bad for AI, right? I do love playing with ChatGPT – it comes up with things I’d miss!

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Reclaim Your Authentic Power – Understand Narcissism and Heal

Jacqui McGinn — Mon, 29 May 2023 17:00:34 +0000

Introduction

Narcissistic relationships can be destructive and yet hard to spot. There’s often no visible wounds or harm, but the psychological damage can run deep. And the stress can wreak havoc on physical health.

There’s a lot of information out there on how to heal from narcissistic relationships, so it can get confusing. In this article, I’m sharing resources that have helped my clients (and myself) the most.

It’s not just being able to recognise narcissism that’s important – it’s also recognising the patterns in those who often get entangled in narcissistic relationship patterns. There’s a special word for them that you may not have heart of yet.

Understanding narcissism

There are lots of great resources. And there are resources created by people who are still bitter and haven’t yet healed. The resources I recommend here are from people coming from a place of peace and acceptance.

Dr Craig Malkin – Author of “Rethinking Narcissism”

This is the most grounded and hopeful explanation I’ve come across. Dr Malkin is a clinical psychologist who works at Harvard Medical School. His work is based on his own experience, working with clients and on research. He has a fantastic YouTube channel that shares bitesize explanations of all different aspects of narcissism.

The most helpful part of it for recovery from these kinds of relationships is his name for the opposite of a narcissist. While narcissists rely on feeling special to avoid feeling vulnerable, their opposites fear being seen as narcissistic or being a burden to anyone else. Their name comes from the Greek myth that we meet Narcissus in. “Narcissus and Echo” is the full name and “Echoist” is the opposite of narcissist.

Echo was cursed to only ever be able to repeat back the last few words of what someone else said. In real life, they (me included!) echo back the needs and feelings of others to have a sense of connection.

You can see how a relationship between a narcissist and an echoist can keep going – the narcissist avoid vulnerability and needs to be special. The echoist reflects back that need for specialness to them – letting him or herself be smaller and “less than”, so the narcissist can be more special.

Are you an echoist?

You can take a test on Dr Malkin’s website to find out.

Being able to name the truth of where you are is the most powerful step to beginning to heal.

the path to healing

In one version of the myth of Narcissus and Echo, the goddess of retribution and revenge makes an appearance – Nemesis.

While I definitely DON’T recommend seeking revenge, I do recommend letting yourself feel that power of wanting revenge and all of the anger it contains. You may want professional help in being able to feel such big emotions.

But there is a wonderful resource to help you begin making friends with ALL of your emotions.

Letting yourself feel

The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren is the one book that I keep going back to again and again. Not only that, Karla has so much integrity that she’s admitted she was wrong about parts of the book and a new, revised edition is coming out in Summer 2023.

Karla guides you through the wonderful gifts and guidance that each of our emotions can bring us.

I wrote about diving into emotions in the book Intuitive – Speaking Her Truth. I didn’t mention Karla in my story, but it was her work that I used to finally break free from working with narcissistic, domineering coaches. I let myself really feel the anger that was building up about being mislead again and again by the online coaching industry. There was a touch of Nemesis, but I didn’t seek revenge.

Heal trauma and come back into the body

Trauma comes from our survival instincts (fight or flight) being thwarted or becoming overwhelming. We’re unable to cope, so we go into shutdown (freeze) mode.

It can also create all kinds of different ways to cope by avoiding the pain. Overthinking, denying our needs, addictions – to name just 3 of many possibilities.

Underneath patterns of narcissistic and echoistic behaviours, there can be trauma. A part of us is split off and stuck in time and space trying to cope with something overwhelming.

Trauma healing is about helping the body to activate its natural trauma healing capacity. Animals will shake off the fight or flight energy and carry on as normal.

Humans have lost touch with the ability to do that, and so all of that powerful trauma energy (what Karla McLaren calls “panic”), is stuck in our system.

And while it stays stuck in our system, it’s taking up a lot of energy both in itself and in all the ways we have to avoid feeling the pain of what happened in the traumatic moment.

But good trauma healing with experienced professionals can bring wholeness and goodness to our bodies, minds and spirits.

trauma healing methods

The great thing is that there are so many ways to heal trauma. Not all of them work for everyone, so it will be a case of trusting your intuition and finding what is right for you.

Somatic Experiencing – developed by Peter Levine and inspired by watching wild animals shake off their experiences. It works with the body, trusting its innate wisdom to heal.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) – uses eye movements to disconnect feelings from memories. Many people find it helpful.

The BLAST Technique – (Bilateral Analysis and Stimulation Treatment) – a development from EMDR that helps the body process the trauma and integrate it, so it no longer affects you in the present. There is no need to talk about what happened with a practitioner.

from thinking to feeling

You might notice that these 2 key ways to heal have something in common. They encourage you to feel again.

Narcissistic relationships can keep you trapped in overthinking and overanalysing. Your body can even scream at you to get out. One of my friends ended up with cancer to get her to see how damaging the narcissistic relationship was to her health.

For sure, it’s a long journey from the head to the heart and body, so give yourself time to learn to feel again. You might get frustrated and want it to happen faster – that’s normal. Our capacity to feel often gets shut down in childhood. Shutting it down is a way of feeling safe and protected, so it may take a while for your mind to recognise that it’s safe to feel.

Once your mind knows it’s safe to feel, you will

Go easy on yourself, be compassionate with yourself as you reclaim your power – the power to feel and know the truth.

other helpful resources

Melanie Tonia Evans takes a more spiritual approach. She has lots of advice on her website and social media channels too.

Richard Grannon is a life coach who has helpful videos on narcissistic abuse.

learn to trust your intuition and inner knowing

Ultimately, this is a journey back to your truest, more authentic self. Discovering who you really are, and dropping the masks and coping strategies that keep the real you hidden.

It’s a journey to welcome back the lost and broken pieces of who you really are, so you can shine as the fabulously unique soul that you are. You can pass on what you’ve learned to others to help them out of the darkness too.

You might well makes mistakes and take wrong turns along the way. And that’s all part of the learning. (It also makes for a richer, more interesting story to tell others later!)

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Cultivating Deep Trust – Wisdom From Simon Sinek

Jacqui McGinn — Wed, 03 May 2023 13:20:01 +0000

There was something special I felt when I lived in Japan that I’ve been trying to articulate. There’s a sense of connectedness that you don’t get in the west – at least in civilian society. Here Simon Sinek explains this deep sense of connectedness and trust through an experience in Afghanistan with the military.

I have to admit, I’d always had misconceptions about the military. I thought it was oppressive and that you’d be controlled. Now, some of that came from the odd controlling character that I met through my dad’s pipe band. But in recent years, I’ve chatted more with people from the military and seen things differently through hearing their experience. One thing that struck me was how much more you experience power struggled in regular organisations – compared to the military. There’s a clarity of role, and sense of purpose and service in the military that you don’t often get in civilian organisations.

Japan has a much more service-oriented culture. If you visit, you feel the welcome and hospitality and respect. It’s part of the language and that’s part of why I love teaching and sharing Japanese. I was a different version of myself in Japan – a version of myself that I liked more than the version of me in the UK.

Have a watch of Simon’s story here and do share your thoughts with me.

Have you ever experienced this kind of deep connection and shared purpose?

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Reclaim Your Authentic Power – Understand Narcissism and Heal

Introduction

Understanding narcissism

the path to healing

Letting yourself feel

Heal trauma and come back into the body

trauma healing methods

from thinking to feeling

other helpful resources

learn to trust your intuition and inner knowing

Cultivating Deep Trust – Wisdom From Simon Sinek

Ready to Step into your most authentic self & live Your dream?

want to explore anger more?
join "Alchemising anger through writing" workshop