17 Aug How Anger Cleared A Past Problem – Lessons from 2 Workshops
I had the idea for 2 workshops this summer: one about dating and one about alchemising anger. I didn’t realise they were connected.
You see, I had the idea to use all that I’d learned about feeling confident while you’re dating and waiting for “the one”. I’d taken courses and read books and in the end, I had a dating profile that did the work for me. It repelled the wrong people and attracted the right people (including my fiance Tony!). But more than that, it felt good and I could relax and focus on what was important to me.
The problem was, I began creating that course in 2015 while taking a course that was overpriced & underdelivered. It was full of pretty graphics and slick videos, but the content was weak and poorly taught. Plus none of the support promised was available. I left in anger and tried to get my money back. No such luck.
So when I went to create this dating workshop, the old anger came up. As I journalled with it, I realised that I’d been angry about the wrong thing. I wasn’t as angry about how bad the course was. I was angry about how the course had been sold in the first place.
I was at a “one day business BootCamp” (aka pitch fest!). I saw how many mind-control techniques had been used at the event. The biggest one was reciprocity. The message was that this entrepreneur had done us a huge favour by laying on this event, so my choice was to either feel discomfort at not buying her “bargain” offer or to avoid the discomfort and go with her hype around how wonderful this course was.
As I wrote, I could feel the anger and as I let it flow, I felt how my inexperience, vulnerability and “pain points” were exploited for profit. (Check out The Marketing Muckraking podcast for more on how prolific this type of marketing is).
If that had been a dating scenario, it would’ve been like someone taking me to a fancy restaurant and insisting on paying for most of the bill, then acting like they’d done me a huge favour. Then they’d guilt me into getting whatever they want from the relationship without ever asking me what I really need. The whole relationship would suffer from a power imbalance.
The anger was stuck but it was because I hadn’t recognised its true message for me. By offering the dating workshop, I finally let that knowledge out AND I could untangle myself from the power dynamic that entrepreneur set up.
Anger doesn’t need to roar and it certainly doesn’t need to be destructive or harmful. “No, that won’t work for me, I’m afraid” said with assertive conviction is anger too. You can let anger flow and still be respectful. At the event, it would’ve meant just going home and perhaps letting myself feel and process the confusing emotions.
When you know what to do with it, it helps you be more of yourself in a world trying to make you conform and profit off you.