16 Sep Why Is Safe Space So Important?
Trust is the foundation of all good relationships.
Trust is essential to guide people to new, expansive thoughts and ideas – and break them out of limiting ones.
Trust thrives in a space of truth telling – especially vulnerable truth.
But telling your most vulnerable truth can feel overwhelming. In a fast-paced world of cancel-culture, blaming and shaming, even the thought of sharing the most vulnerable, fragile part of you can cause you to shut down or want to run away. As for sharing that truth in a talk or book? Oof – that’s for the seriously courageous!
But it’s by sharing vulnerable truths that the most profound healing, connection and change can happen. In safe space, the overwhelm eases and you can speak vulnerably without fear of backlash or being taken advantage of. People around you feel safe to receive what you’re sharing. You feel safe to receive what others are sharing.
From that space, you can grow confidence in your message and role as a soul-led thought leader.
What is vulnerable truth?
For a long time, humans have seen vulnerability as weakness. But it actually takes enormous strength to share vulnerable truth and that strength gets rewarded. In sharing vulnerable truth, you reach others in tender places that they’ve kept hidden. It helps them know that they’re not alone in their struggles.
On mental wellbeing courses that I run, a large part of the learning experience is discussion. We set up group guidelines to make the space safe and that means participants can share the vulnerable truth of their mental health struggles. I often hear learners say with relief “it’s not just me!” It grows connection and trust and often the participants are keen to stay connected after the course. The sharing in safe space helps them feel connected, validated and seen.
Vulnerable truth is those deeply personal and emotionally charged thoughts, feeling and experiences that you’re hesitant to share in case someone judges, rejects or ridicules you for it. For example, it took many years before I could share my experience of a breakdown on my website. I was so worried about how anyone would react if they really knew the kind of thoughts I was having. Even though my whole motivation for starting healing business came from experiencing the darkness in my mind.
“Oh my God, I thought I was being controlled by the devil – what on earth will people think of me?” I worried. It took many repetitions of writing it and it took working with people I trusted to be able to publish it on my website. You can take a look here: “Meeting The Edges of Sanity” .
And yet, at the time of my breakdown, I shared my experiences with a good friend. I was always puzzled why she seemed to be more energised after I shared. Through my sharing she somehow felt more secure in her own heart. Our relationship grew stronger and stronger.
I felt a call to write a book but the intensity of the situation had done a lot of damage to my psyche. Inner critics and inner controllers grew in power and acted as gatekeepers to sharing the vulnerable truth more widely. The strong call to write a book and give talks on stage created inner conflict that I had to resolve one way or another. Business development programmes and writing programmes just made the inner critic and inner controller more powerful, putting up a firm block to my calling.
What can you gain from safe space?
When you can safely express vulnerable truth, there are lots advantages to many areas of your life. Here are a few:
- Better mutual understanding that builds strong connection
- Unburdening yourself of emotional weight you’ve been carrying
- Personal growth and self-discovery through going out of your comfort zone
- Stronger, more resilient relationships from deeper trust
In safe spaces with people I could trust deeply, my heart relaxed and these powerful parts of me could relax too. I could gradually approach the most vulnerable, hurting part of me – a 2 year old shocked at all the emotion and disappointment levelled at her. Not only a wound from this lifetime, but a wound that began in an ancestor’s lifetime that needed resolution. My little 2 year old self was frozen in time and space dealing with something well beyond her years.
The safe space my coaches Tara and Caroline created and the safe, sacred space I created around my writing meant I could finally give this hurting 2 year old what she needed – validation of her thoughts and feelings and a chance to feel them to completion. It was also an opportunity to go deeper and write the lesson in the wound. Why would a soul choose to overwhelm their 2 year old self and carry an ancestral wound? The answer is always a version of love. In my case – to learn to trust. Healing the 2 year old created a space for a trust so deep that it’s unshakeable.
I now understand that the root of my breakdown and all the darkness in it was that scared, overwhelmed 2 year old. The breakdown intensified her story and the damage. But it also made sure that I paid attention to the imbalance and kept going until I resolved it.
so how do you set up safe space?
Safe space doesn’t just happen.
It has to be intentional and it may need tweaks and practice over time. Here are some tips to think about:
- Active Listening: Encourage active listening and non-judgmental communication within the space.
- Confidentiality: Ensure that what is shared within the safe space remains confidential and is not used against anyone.
- Establish Ground Rules For A Group: Set clear guidelines and expectations for behaviour and communication within the group safe space.
- Validate the emotions someone sharing might be feeling e.g. “that sounds tough for you”, “I appreciate you sharing so courageously”
- Work on building trust with all parts of yourself. The more you trust yourself, the more others feel safe to share around you
It’s also about doing the inner. work and creating safe space for yourself. My coaches were highly experienced and have done lots of inner work to hold safe space. But they also continue to work on themselves and keep learning.
It’s the reason why I keep doing the inner work too so I can hold a safe space too.
Safe spaces are vital to quality connections. They’re sanctuaries where you can shed your protective layers and reveal your authentic self. Your heart can open and your soul can shine. You can deepen empathy and mutual understanding and you can improve mental health, grow as a human and a soul, and at the same time create intimacy. By actively creating safe spaces in our lives, we can create a more compassionate and connected world where honesty, vulnerability, and truth open our hearts to the goodness of our authentic selves.
